Subject: Chaos is order yet undeciphered
Starting point: Little Monsters
Link: Emails / 12.11.2021 – 14.11.2021
Chaos is order yet undeciphered
EMAIL FROM TARAS
Hello. I’ve read some of the stories on your website, especially «Little Monsters», because I find corruption of children exciting, and I must say they are not hardcore enough for my taste. The website, in my opinion, needs to take a deeper plunge to match its spooky pretensions. Right now the evil is mostly symbolic, it is only a rejection of the Christian faith (or rather an outward ceremonial form of the Christian faith).
Hardly anybody today really considers sex as such wrong, most people are liberal-minded enough to accept homosexuality, a silent but real minority countenances zoophilia, in Scandinavia especially, I think, and while sex with children remains the official worldwide bugbear, in reality many people know quite well that a sixteen year-old can look, think and behave as a twenty year-old, and that younger years are possible.
There is just no public discussion of children’s sexuality in the cultural dictatorship with which today’s world is yoked, but in private many know the facts. And, of course, going to any webcam site will reveal all kinds of videos where «underage» people delight in themselves and each other in front of the camera. In short, the world has long moved on from the situation where Christian zealotry that you like to push off from was anything but a pose.
So none of that is evil. On the other hand, violence is still «it». And if you enjoy evil for real, there needs to be much of that. I like depictions of demons in your stories, but what is so demonic about them other than horns on the head? They are just some red guys and gals who like to screw. Jeez. You mention all sorts of practices: cannibalism, human sacrifice, infanticide, snuff movies, but you skim over any real descriptions. I was curious enough to search for any scene of them, but they are all left behind the curtains.
For instance, in «Little Monsters» (which, I understand, is an old story, but you did re-post it) the mother turns to witchcraft and is said to have killed an infant with that new Goth girlfriend of hers, but only in the past tense. It sort of happened somewhere along the way, and the next thing the reader gets to read about is how this woman filmed a pretty innocent flick of her children playing with pee-pees.
It’s just family fun, nothing more. And the idea that the children are half-demon by blood and therefore automatically embrace «bad» things is only an excuse for skipping character development. So maybe there was a proclivity. But where is the descent? Where are scenes about the mother’s tutoring them in sex, educating them about porn, bringing them to experiments in cruelty? Where is that infanticide initiation? You can’t hang enough Baphomet tsatskes to obscure the fact that none of this is hellish at all.
RESPONSE FROM XP
Thank you for taking the time to write to me about LS666 and your critique of the story, “Little Monsters”.
Firstly, I would like to acknowledge your comment about the site not being “hardcore” enough for you. I appreciate this need for “extremes” and there is a lot of story sites, like ASSTR (especially “The Kirsten Archives – Just Extreme Sex Stories“) that maybe better suited to your tastes.
That said, my perspective on this is that, LS666 started purely as a way for me to feature the stories that I wanted to write and wanted to “keep” all in one place; and over the past four years; it has been built to be a depository for stories and blog posts that mostly center around religious fetish — be they extreme or not.
I certainly enjoy a lot of extreme stories myself (pedo, human sacrifice, cannibalism, rape and snuff) — but I also wanted to feature well-written material that keeps to this theme, rather than simply seeking out just “shock and awe”. We have some really talented writers that support the site, like Amandablonde, Hoku Lani, Connie K, Lucy Az, Jacqueline Jillinghoff, Nada Bits and many many more.
I would however disagree that sex is universally accepted — as I live in Asia — where there are extremes of beliefs around this topic … especially in countries where fundementalism is still front and center. I often post comments from my friends at “Atheist Republic” that will attest to this fact.
But, I take it onboard and appreciate your thoughts and encouragement — as writing is a rather lonely activity and requires a lot of time and effort (on the part of the writers … whose work I love and admire).
EMAIL FROM TARAS
My point was not that you simply need to up the antes and throw in more violence. It is that if there is any substance to this opposition to Christianity, it must involve greater sins than offending prudes with a rubbing of naughty bits. One has to be consistent, if one is exploring anything. You want Satan, then remember what Satan stands for really. Besides, all your stories that I looked at are set in the West, or there is no observable difference, and feature mostly western characters, with the occasional Korean or Agrabian thrown in, perhaps. If you live in an Asian country, why do you set your ideas in places where sex has been liberated and accepted by anyone but the die-hard fanatics? On the other hand, if you acknowledge that the site stands on a fetish, that it is unmoored from reality and bad nuns and upturned crosses for you are not different from black leather and ball gags for others, or any other abstract turn-on, then there is no exploration going on, only masturbation. And then logic is irrelevant and Satan can remain something to jerk off to even when the rest of the world catches up and goes atheist. Well, why not.
RESPONSE FROM XP
Hail Taras L You make a compelling argument and I appreciate the “push” — here’s some thoughts I have on the subject … So, do we have a LS666 vision and mission? Should there be an underpinning strategy to everything we do? Or was there never an effort to make LS666 a “statement” about anything in particular; other than to provide some adult entertainment and masturbation fodder? Hmmm … not sure, life’s been pretty all over the place in Covid-19 … maybe I need to take a step back and think about this a whole lot more … like … Is the intent for the site to examine and explore the relationship between human sexuality and religion? Yes. Is the site an opportunity for free-thought and curiosity about the sexual influences of Satanism, occult, witchcraft, tribalism? Definitely. Do any of its authors explore their past to present a narrative about tomorrow? Sure.
Maybe simply a limitation of any writer (as I am originally from the UK) is that you tend to write about places and themes that you’re familiar with … by the way, I do research the shit out of the subjects I write about … for me, that’s part of what I enjoy about it … and as I have never participated in anything particularly extreme (unlike Amanda — who is very clear about her interest in assisted rape, as she helped her father rape underaged girls, when he lost interest sexually in her — see her interview for more about that) … So, where does that lead me? Unmoored from reality? Abstract turn-ons? Irrelevant logic? And jerking off to Satan? What would be your advice in this?
EMAIL FROM TARAS
The mail service I use recently added a new feature. On the bottom there are several quick reply buttons that relieve the reader from moving the flesh of his fingers to channel a thought born in the flesh of his brain. They say «Okay», «Sounds good» and «I agree». As I respond to people, I’m curiously tempted to just push one of these in the middle of a conversation and finish it, though they are really more like conversation starters. They should be pushed before and instead any other words, killing conversations at the root. The best party is a party that never happens. The body can just sit in the chair, or on the edge of a cheap low sofa in my case, with the spirit tucked and packed inside the noggin — a ghost in the shell. There is no need to choose words, pay the price in time, send these missiles away and become changed by their rebound from another spirit somewhere out there. There is no need for commitment.
Now, you’ve committed lots of time to writing those stories, but I think we mean something different by the «explore». I don’t mean «speculate» when I use that word, whether it’s Satanism as a concept and a practice somewhere on the planet, or child sex as a concept and a practice somewhere on the planet, or snuff as a concept and a practice somewhere on the planet. To explore as to gab about is the favorite meaning of curators of exhibitions of contemporary art — a very masturbatory practice indeed. And I don’t feel guilty about masturbation, but I do feel now that it’s a waste of time. The exploring that interests me, and the writing, are lived — a development of an individual. In the inner landscape, it is the exploring that Cortez did when he hacked through Aztec jungle to become rich or to die, not the kind that Bansky did when he sat a poorly-drawn Nazi on a bench to leech off zeitgeist. The sort I don’t have enough of is where the destination is unknown and there is no going back. And when I come across such a large collection of stories on a topic, I expect the author to be exploring for real his feeling and his stand towards that topic. Real stories are always a sort of diary, however fantastical the figures and settings.
In your case a fascination and, let me say, identification with demons who want bad things should by all rights be connected to an interest in the bad things themselves. That would only be natural, and it’s disappointing when the bad turns out to be only a permanent literary identity. Yes, yes, I know that it’s naive or maybe just stupid of me to expect a link to reality from online porn… The idea… But then, why not? The teens on webcams are certainly exploring in a very real sense when they venture to screw before the camera. They want to know where that will take them, what it will tell them about themselves. Age is a factor too. One can’t really expect a real departure from normalcy from people who are past a certain age… which I am also past, and so I struggle. But the movement is in several dimensions, and I think I’m arriving at a point when I will have had enough of naivety about human motivations and limits. It’s about time to stop looking for black cats who aren’t there.
You explained yourself clearly and just as I expected. «As I expected» should be one of those auto reply buttons… No, I don’t have any complains about your stories, as they are. Hot to jerk off to, some. I missed that part about the Asian setting, too. So there is more variety than I noticed. It’s all fine, as far as you are concerned. The recent ones are better written, so there is some advancement in the skill over the years. You get feedback, you get stuff. Nicknames of others who are equally pseudonym-ed, mysterious, virtual. You’ve got this hobby. It’s fine. You are not the first writer of online smut I come across with a large body of work out, sometimes the style is impressive, the research. These people are just consummate fanboys and clerics to favorite fantasies, and they are not at all interested in the reality of those fantasies. Like I said, I’m very nearly ready to stop poking them with a stick and let them be. Doing otherwise, once I quite know that they are unbudgeable, will be in bad conscience. It’s just that a stone on the beach may always turn out to be a live turtle, so you give it a prod. You hope it’ll wake up and stick out a little head and look around. But stones like being stones. Especially on a dirty urban beach. And the boy should walk on.
RESPONSE FROM XP
So, let me bite.
My fascination with demons stems from my childhood (see Under My Bed). I was a small child. Born of Asian mother and British father. I lived in London. A city filled with history and legend. I was afraid of the dark. My overactive imagination would conjure all kinds of wicked monsters, devils and creepy crawlies that sort to terrorize me, nightly. Up until my eleventh birthday — I slept with the lights on — with my soft toys arranged around me for protection. I went to Sunday school and learned about the New and the Old Testament … and went to church to pray for forgiveness, for whatever supposed sin that I had committed.
You get the picture.
On my bedroom shelves, my father kept a collection of National Geographic magazines, filled with pictures of naked tribes women — doing whatever it was — that naked tribes women did in far flung countries that had no resemblance to the streets of London. I would look at these pictures (in the way that most kids these days look at porn as their first initiation into sexuality). I was mesmerized. It fantasized about these tribes and how they practiced cannibalism, voodoo-like rituals, castration and human sacrifices … how they worshiped demonised gods that would certainly make the nuns at our church blush.
It was about this time that I was also discovering my body. I found that these pictures made my little peepee very hard — and I knew this was wrong. I knew God was watching me and that if I persisted in this pursuit of curiosity, that I would never see my dead relatives in heaven — that they too were watching over me — watching me, whenever I touched my peepee in a way that made me feel so good. Feeling good was bad.
So, I was set-up for failure.
How to ignore these strange new feelings? I no longer slept with the light on and my bedroom door wide open. I close the door. I turned off the lights. I throw away my soft toys. I would undress and lay at night touching my peepee … stroking myself until I orgasmed for the first time …
Many years (decades) later … There is still that deeply rooted guilt and equally deep fascination with darkness that is akin to these early influences. Are they radical? No. Are they extreme? Not really — compared the topics of today … they may even seem lame and unspectacular … but they still hold a strange attraction for me. So, where to go from here? What do you advise?
EMAIL FROM TARAS
Why should I advise anything? I am just some entity on the Internet. The only thing I can suggest is to open up personally to people in real life, not up in this hell. The Internet is a perfect image of a dark, damp cell; your page’s decorum actually comes off that way, but it’s really all of the web. It’s for catching flies, because the strands go about and about and never reach anywhere. Online «communities» remind me of the movie «Enemy» from 2013. I don’t know if you’ve seen that one. Anyway, what can I say? I can’t step into the skin of someone with your background. I think I can empathize, but I understand that as an illusion. I didn’t grow up in discipline, more like indifference, and I have to make peace with that. But I’m afraid that if I do step over the obsessions that I still have, I will find myself face to face with the truth of my advancing age. I’m not old, I’m 41, but my bones are telling me the glory days are over, and I’m not really interested in the calmness of a middle age. I would like to find something worthwhile to fight for to die in a battle, but the common causes are not interesting to me, and I’m not sure I have the willpower for the ones that would fit.
Society has changed too much, too. Things used to be much simpler even with smut. I still like those paperback novels about family shenanigans in Midwestern suburbia in the US, the ones that star with a noble moral for the back cover. I only read them as scans, but Philip Dick mentioned those once in a novel of his. And a couple of days ago I watched a movie from 1967 where convicts read one of those out loud: «He moved his hand down to Marge’s heated thigh…» Or something like that. Poor deprived guys. I occurred to me for the first time that that porn might have had a proper audience once, an important purpose even. But, you see, those repressed but opening fictional people from the 1960s did not turn out into clear-minded and free people in the decades that followed. The mechanism that opened the flower broke. Today’s people are just as repressed, only in a different form. They contain their desires on the cloud servers of fandom, for example. Fetishes, which are vessels of repressed desire, bursas for psychoanalysis to dissect and return to circulation, according to Freud, have become the norm.
I talked about «exploring». Well, only a tiny minority today dares to do in reality what they would do in their fantasy — many fewer people than once, possibly. And they are mercilessly hunted and rounded up in sting operations, most of which the public, no doubt, never hears of. There are honeypots and FBI-run chatrooms, international operations that rejoice in weeding out the last of the real, daring deviants. The pall of fear that results from this has settled over things like smog-tainted frost over grass, and for younger people this is the only state of sexuality they know. They have grown up used to the idea that unusual desires should be channeled up into online kinks and kept there. At any rate, they are not given any other choice. I would like to talk to them, flirt and have concourse with them, but I know I could not explain to them where I’m coming from, and I’m too slow and strange for them.
I’m just going to have to accept the conclusions from this. I’m not like them and I’m not like people such as yourself who have created a second life for themselves where they can do in fantasy what they can’t in reality. There are all sorts of people residing in the clouds today: anime drawers, fanfic writers, porn writers, bloggers — let’s not forget bloggers, YouTube channelers, Instagram personalities, makers of torrent files. I download those torrent files to watch movies I could not otherwise see, but wouldn’t I prefer to meet those people on the streets, now so deserted? Even without Covid, Earth has long been a desert of the real, as Morpheus has said. And I’ve created some things for the Internet myself. Some years of my life have gone into trying to make a ripple in an ocean. But now I have to make the conclusions at last. Correspondence such as this has to be abandoned, among other things. It changes nothing, it convinces no one. I must face this and stop trying to have conversations that were possible in my fresher days.
RESPONSE FROM XP
Hail Taras … So “chaos is order yet undeciphered”? I like that. Forty-one is just a number. I turned sixty this year. Age doesn’t define us. Nor do our fetishes. Your email suggests you feel a fatalism in your life … What advice can you offer (as an entity of the internet)? I am, and remain an optimist … as a child, I formed a belief that everything was random … that there was no god, no reason, no heaven, no hell … for me, this revelation offers an explanation for blind babies, psychopaths, natural disasters …
What advice you have given is a glimpse of my own narcissism … as I say, my shameless, and relentless need for self-promotion … in order to achieve what? I actually don’t know. I have never tried to understand it, nor reflect upon it … but here we are … doing exactly that. I never set out to be a rebel, or a change-agent, or an internet influencer … I spent time collecting, refining, documenting, curating and sharing that which is chaotic but brings order in my mind … Thank you for this. XP