This is a short essay – auto-biographical really.
Hope you find it interesting and I would love to hear from other readers about their journey’s into the darkness. What was it that inspired your dark cravings? What created your insatiable desire to imagine wicked things? What motivated your corruption? Remember the first time you called out ‘his’ name, and the orgasm that followed? Spill the beans and tell me all about it…
Send them to me, short or long. Don’t worry about spelling, syntax or grammar. I will sort that out. Your answer can be anonymous. Write to me soon.
What got you into writing erotic horror?
The key reason I got into writing erotic horror was out of pure frustration.
The brutal truth was that, though I loved reading Lovecraftian erotic dark fiction, I was always left wanted more sexual perversity, more satanic abuse, more explicit debauchery.
I had been reading many authors: like HP Lovecraft and Oscar Wilde; and more contemporary writers like Clive Barker, Anne Rice and Poppy Z Brite. I was heavily influenced by the graphic novels of Pat Mills (illustrated by the incredible Olivier Ledroit). Even short stories, like the Blood Kiss edited by Cecilia Tan, were all fuel for my sexual frustrations.
How did you get started on this strange journey?
From about the age of ten, I had indulged myself in fantasies of ritualized sex, devil worship (though I never called it by that name), human sacrifice together with a plethora of paraphilias, mostly involving urination and some scat, bondage and anal sex. In my early years, I really wasn’t interested in girls, as most of my sexual fantasies involved my young male friends.
I use to draw felt pen illustrations of the things I imagined; all very crudely done, but I kept a journal of these perverted little sketches that I used during masturbation. This, I guess was my earliest foray into being an amateur pornographer.
This was a time before the internet, so the only source of real pornography was from book stores. A school friend introduced me to a black and white magazine called Astra. It was predominantly a lesbian-themed picture story publication. The photos were accompanied by narrative captions. Astra also had a personals section (of which 50% involved interests in Salirophilia (Urolagnia). Yes, I actually counted them to work out the average.
I remember going to Foyles Bookshop in the heart of London and finding this wonderful graphic novel involving phallic worship. I had such an eleven year old hard on in the bookshop. It was so compelling to me at the time and though it was still very tame and implicit, visually, it had a profound impact on how I imagined the sexual rituals that I fantasized about.
I was bought up going to Sunday school, though church never figured too clearly in my memory, I was fearful of religion and of the all seeing God looking down on me (watching me sin), so the very thought of Satan or the Devil was just a little too much for the timid me. I guess that’s why I fixated more on the tribalism and the worship of something that my eleven year old self had named ‘Piss God’. Of course Piss God was no less a proxy for Satan and required me to indulge in highly frequent urine games that got progressively more and more bizarre and perverted. I even taught myself how to piss with a full erection, so that I could my little tribal dance before the dressing mirror, whilst masturbating and urinating into my own mouth. I was such a naughty little boy.
A chance comment from a young school friend of mine about woman who possessed both vaginas and penises, hermaphrodites, put my young kinky mind into a tail spin. I know now, if you look at my Tumblr (https://www.tumblr.com/blog/xpanther) it’s kind of filled with either dark erotica (satanism, occult, Baphomet worship and nasty nuns) and androgyny (shemales, transgender, transsexuals, ladyboys, femboi, femboys). I just love those feminine ones with flat chests and hard little cocks. Well, the eleven year old me really got off on the phallic worship of hermaphroditic goddesses who always insisted on gallons of salty hot urine and non-consensual anal sex as highlights of my masturbatory fantasy rituals.
Later, I equated this love of androgyny to the reoccurring theme of worshiping the Baphomet and the Devil’s cock.
When did you realize your interest in the occult?
In the first instance, my interest was driven from a purely sexual nature.
I was never a true satanist or occultist at all. I’m far too superficial. I just got turned on by the whole devil worship thing in all its cheesy glory. I do love all those witch cult and satanic B-movies, like Daughters of Satan, Necromania, Sacrilege, Rites of Uranus and Hardgore! Wasn’t that a carefree time, when child pornography was still considered mainstream. Though I was too young to see these movies at the time; in my latter years, I managed to watch them and appreciate their rawness, pubic hair and all.
In the course of writing, I have become more aware of the breath and depth of occult, black magic, voodoo, satanism, witchcraft, Kabbalah, Aleister Crowley, Anton Szandor LaVey. I have come to appreciate their underpinning ideologies and philosophies – All of which I found to be inspirational and creatively motivating.
I first became intrigued in Tarot a few years ago whilst at a party. There was a woman reading cards and she read mine. I was going through a particularly bad patch and she told me all about my pain and stuffing (without being prompted). My future card was the nine of swords, which I know now as one of the worst cards in the pack to draw. But what inspired me was how accurate she was. Maybe I was reading too much into it – but from that day on-wards, I was hooked.
Where do you draw your inspiration from?
I find wickedness everywhere.
There are of course the most obvious channels: like dark porn, erotic horror movies and documentaries about various forms of sexual evils found in voodoo, cults, witchcraft and satanic abuse. But, I find inspiration in even mainstream movies. Like Match Point was the inspiration for WHEEL OF FORTUNE; Beautiful Creatures was the basis for WICKED SOULS, TAINTED HEARTS; and Groundhog Day influenced the concept of HANGING MAN.
I know it sounds a little unexpected, but I occasional read the bible (looking for juicy quotes to use in my most blasphemous of stories).
There’s a lot of associated reading and research, like ’Inferno’ by Dante, that have provided me with ideas and directions. Actually I based the story DEATH on Dante’s vision of hell.
I sometimes watch videos made by preachers – their words are always very evangelistic and passionate about their beliefs and convictions. And while I listen to them, I imagine that behind their veneer of goodness and piousness, they are all secretly evil-doing perverts.I guess i’m a bit jaded.
I find the websites of religious zealots inspirational reading. How I enjoy how they talk about the infestation of sexual demons from pornography – then I spend hours trawling their Tumblr looking for images of sexual evil while I masturbate to dark ambient or pagan drum music.
What happened with ASSTR?
As I mentioned, the key reason I got into writing erotic horror was out of pure frustration; and my first attempt of erotic writing was a story called ‘Under My Bed’ that kind of featured a young boy’s corruption (much like my own). Of course, to make it more interesting, I fictionalized most things. Unlike the boy in this story, I never did get up the nerve to fuck the first boy I fell in love with. I was a total loser. Anyway, that’s a story for another day.
My first stories were loaded up on a blog. I cannot even remember the name of it now, but it allowed me to include some of early Photoshop attempts I did as well as written material. I gained a few friends, who encouraged my efforts. That was when I discovered ASSTR. At first I only used it as a source of reading material; but again, I quickly exhausted all the stories that contained my favorite paraphilias. So I started to upload some of my own and add to it on a regular basis.
This pattern continued for a few years. What I liked about it was that it was immediate and there was no control over what you uploaded. There was also a sense of control you had, as the material could be edited and even removed without any permission. I felt it was a good place to upload my stories and each time, I would get about eight to ten thousand hits for each story. Even my older stories, would be viewed over and over (usually between 80 – 100 times a week), and the site provided a weekly update on the frequency – it was really dynamic and gratifying as an amateur writer to get exposed.
But that all came to an end when the site was compromised. Not sure if they were hacked or something. All I knew was that it was no longer working.
So, is that when you started LITTLESALLY666.COM?
Yes it was directly because my access to the ASSTR account was blocked and they never returned a single message I wrote to the management about it. I know they have some hundreds-of-thousands of stories and thousands of writers; but fuck! It pissed me off so bad. I had never built a website before and asked a few of my writing buddies for their advice. It helped, but at the end of the day, I had to learn and develop a new skill set – which I know really enjoy (as a process all of its own).
In terms of the name. That was a funny one. I really thought the obvious way to go was yo use the name EVIL TAROT BY XPANTHER, but what swayed me was an email that I had received around the same time from a staunchly religious woman, who’s email began as a flame, telling be how shocked she was at my blatant wickedness. She told me, as a mother and wife of a pastor, she could not believe the content of my material. I’m paraphrasing here. But, the email concluded with a sentence about how my stories were well written, intriguing and made her question her own morality (as she obviously got off on it all).
The story in question was called Satan’s Daughter, and in the fourth part of this story about a girl called Sally, the pastor’s wife referenced the antiheroes ‘online name’ which was LITTLESALLY666. The pastor’s wife, in subsequent emails, went on to describe how she fantasized about incest, bestiality (she mentioned sex with their large dog) and even the rape of herself and her own kids in front of her husband (by some devil-worshiping blacks).
I just love the hypocrisy of it all. It’s a truly wonderful world.
Realmente apasionante tu transitar por estas páginas.. Sigue adelante te leemos con pasión y morbo
Thanks SHEMALECUMCOLLECTOR, appreciate your encouragement! XP
TRANSLATED : Really exciting to go through these pages .. Keep going we read you with passion and morbid
Hi Harry
Glad to be able to share with you. It’s great that we get to talk about what we love. XP
Thanks for sharing – as you know, I love your wicked stories and appreciate the effort and creativity that goes into them.
This is a great blog, I enjoy reading your stories. I have been masturbating since I was 11 years old. It all started with erotic magazines, video tapes, CD movies and today there is the internet. This blog is so mysterious with a dark background and this specific shade of blue with the letters written on it. What brought me here? Well, that I was fed up with classic porn stories and watched sex clips on porn sites. I want more, stronger and more vulgar so that I have the desire to masturbate. And that’s exactly what I found here! I wish I could write an erotic story myself, but my English is weak and I use Google Translate, but I hope you understand me. I don’t know of any other blog with similar content. I hope there will be more pure blasphemous stories here in the future because reading these stories makes me madly masturbate. I wish you further successful work.
Thank You for Sharing
I have been reading your stories for years
Nothing else makes me cum so hard!
Help addicting me to Satanic porn
Tried to quit for years
Always came back to you
Hail Sotar
Quitting is only part of the fun – trying to deny yourself – slowly being tempted back – trying to rejecting what is inside of you – then – letting go – opening up – falling in – over and over – I love the fall, the self-corruption and the eventual rediscovery
Yes Yes
Deeper and Deeper
You Lead the Way
Hail Xpanther
Hail Satan
Hail Sotar — leading and following — The World (Tarot) — it is the serpent consuming its own tail — we both lead and we both follow in an infinite loop of evil passion — the naked dancer who true sexual identity is disgusted by the stole — she/he holds wands (phalluses) in each hand as she gracefully tempts us to new heights of perversity
Truly amazing! I also turn to the Bible to Fong passages to motivate my dark fantasies and to create blasphemous interpretations.
Since the Bible was written by men ( if God could create heaven and earth, I believe he could also create a user manual) it is perfectly acceptable to make fun of it and use it to motivate sexuality.
Sorry, I’m going down a rabbit hole, again great job!
Hail Hoku
Once I thought that I was all alone and that there was something wrong with the world – like I was in the wrong place at the wrong time – but I have come to realise that this is not the case – that in fact I am not alone – and that the world is full of interesting people that I would love to meet (and fuck, if only) – that I am not an anomaly – far from it – there is an army of nasty, evil, wicked and perverted souls for me to share my time with – normal is so fucking boring – the more twisted and fucked up – the better.
Thank you for sharing your wonderful mind with me – and though you live on the oppose side of the world – I feel you in a more real way than I do the folks that are immediately around me – hail Satan – Hail Hoku
Dear Hoku Lani
Daughter of Lilith
Thank You
I find that the Rabbit Hole is truly Bottomless
Once entered there is no return
I would like to be with you and others on that journy
Hail Lilith
Queen of The Night
Xpanther provides the Road Map
Hail Lilith
Queen of The Night
Without this blog of XP’s i sure thought i was alone. but coming back here let’s me know that i’m not alone and there are fellow brothers and sisters on this journey on the left hand path. The depravity and perversions increase so our life becomes delicious and we live in accordance with our natural self and our natural desires. Hail Sotar, Hail Hoku Lani. Hail XP Hail Lilith. Hail Satan.
Hail Sabrina — we are connected you and I — and all our brothers, sisters and those deliciously in between
Hail my brother in sand and thank you for being an inspiration to so many of us. If I remember correctly, I first discovered your works on the old asstr.org and then followed you to this site after that original website had problems. While my background is not exactly mirror your own it is close enough that I can certainly relate to much of what you have said here. And please know that you are not alone because there are many like us, who at one point or another, felt that we were somehow a freak but we have since learned that we are all part of the same family and, whether we acknowledge it or not, we actually spring from the same father and mother… Hail Satan and Hail Lilith. Several years ago when I started my first Tumblr I took inspiration from some of your stories and they inspired me to start adding my own captions to different pictures I found online. Originally those were created for my own amusement to try to express my views and beliefs on the hypocrisy of Christianity as well as my early and growing interest in Satanism and the lust provided by mother Lilith. I started sharing those online and soon found many others who felt similarly to how I did and they would contact me and tell me how they enjoyed those captioned images. If I remember correctly that is where we first met and in our conversations since then I have grown to respect your works even more… I know I can always depend on you for a great story with plenty of wonderful visual images created by your Blasphemous words… something to fuel my own blessed as I stroke my cock and push myself deeper into the darkness. Thank you for continuing to provide all of us with such treasures. Has my own various blogs have grown somewhat in popularity over the last few years I have often looked at this site and your work has a role model and I have come to appreciate and accept the calling of Satan as both of us are his messengers to help spread his love. We each do it in our own ways but I think we both serve a higher purpose… His purpose. And though we have never met face-to-face, I still think of you as a friend. Hail Satan and keep up the wonderful work that you do my brother in sin.
Hail Mick
Thank you for this message — it warms my dark and wicked heart and stirs me deep inside — I get up every day looking forward to what Satan has in store for me — I love that I can be myself with you and our Satanic friends — and though IRL, I look and behave like a regular guy — my twisted mind is everything but normal. I was saying to Sotar that it is like the serpent consuming its own tail — you inspire me and in turn, I inspire you — as so we go around and around in getting darker and darker, and more and more perverse — how wonderful.
Yes — I have a new project in mind and I am just now starting to gather the resources — that is why I was asking you about the abortion ritual — but new story is inspired by an old favorite of mine — I must have watched it a dozen times — and I know most of the dialogue off by heart — it’s the Devil’s Advocate — I love the whole small town lawyer getting sweep up my the big firm that is the front for sometime so insidious that its dimensions are as deep as the fires of hell itself — it maybe hard to get away from the characters seen as Al Pacino (as the Devil) and Keanu Reeves (as the son of the Devil) — but I just cannot resist the challenge.
I have another two stories to wrap up first. Pleasure Has No Boundaries 7 (which is just waiting for me to do the grammar check — thanks to my good friend BG) and The Nun (which took me an epic amount of time).
Thank you again for your response. We have a lot of corrupting and sinning to do — it makes life so much more interesting — doesn’t it? XP
It’s just a dark fantasy here.
Could you delete my comment please because I have decided to get myself well and to do that I need to cut all ties with the darkness I got into while sick. I may return and even story of my own when I’m back in my right mind.
Sure. Your state of mind is important. XP