Writer: Pastord
Subject: What Does It Feel Like To Lose Faith?
Link: Tumblr / 28.06.2026
What Does It Feel Like To Lose Faith?
I haven’t lost faith completely, to be honest. But I can feel so many beliefs and barriers fading. Beliefs I’ve held so dear and barriers I’ve relied on to keep me on God’s path. They’re just falling away.
In a way, it’s scary. But on another level, it’s exhilarating. With God, everything good is promised someday, in heaven, if I make it. Satan, though, says, “Here, see what I can give you, now. Enjoy whatever you desire, with my blessing.”
That’s irresistible. I try to run away from him. But it’s like once I tasted him, felt him, experienced his presence without fear or fable, nothing else will satisfy. How the fuck am I supposed to pastor a church when what I want is to feel, know, and taste Satan through unholy desires and acts? (My cock hardens even as I type those words).
What does it feel like to lose faith? Like coming home.