Trauma and Satan’s Palette by Knowtheway11

Writer: Knowtheway11

Subject: Trauma and Satan’s Palette

Link: LS666 Email / 05.01.2026

XP: For those who want to “turn back” to the Abrahamic God!

Trauma and Satan’s Palette

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friend.” John 15:13

My life. More harrowing than most, certainly less than others. While I can trace it back to childhood, 2012-22 stands out in particular. I can say it was an ungodly amount of trauma. Many would have thrown in the towel, given a fraction of what I endured. While others would have turned to God, I turned to drugs, porn, sex, denial, and Satan.

In 2018, I learned to justify my sins in the blood of Jesus Christ. A proud Christian since 2003, I never renounced my faith. I had done much worse. I lived in the guise of “Thank God He knows my heart.” This self-enabling mantra equipped me with a falsely clear sense of conscience, allowing me to serve two masters. In that process, I unwittingly opened a door to the left-handed path. Subtle at first, I started to abuse my privileges of free will to the point of crossing lines, which rendered me unrecognizable. I still walked in further.

The reality is, Satan won’t bother you when you’re wrapped in the comfortable blanket of your sins. That’s his entire plan. That’s the “whys” and “hows” of freedom. For me, that freedom invited behaviors I never would have permitted my former self. Disgusting, unholy, grotesque behaviors. Sin covered me like a thick black tar, impeding my vision, my hearing, and my will to move.

Not once did I blame another. Not even Satan. I was his palette, he was my paint.

Spiritual research has all but confirmed that trauma can unknowingly open doors to the demonic. Should one pass through those doors, as I willingly did, you don’t define it as demonic at the time. It’s clever in that way. You interpret the untraveled environment as comfortable, no matter how heinous. I applied darkness to my pain as ointment to a wound. Simply put, the farther you go, the farther you will go.

How did I escape, you ask? I still had sparks of hope. My faith never burned out. The only mustard seed I had left grew into a tree, its limbs pulling me from the mire. The roots of that tree ultimately unearthed the unsustainable resource known as Satan. He was never my ruler, nor was he ever my King. I allowed grace to reenter where sin had resided. I ultimately learned to forgive the most important person I knew — me.

The journey out of the dark took some time. But so did the journey into it. Today, I am a proud survivor of my tar-covered sins. Their memory lines the marrow of my bones. It allows me to stand, to fight, to praise, and to love all with greater conviction.

And I will stand, I will fight, I will praise, and I will love — for the One who loved me first. I would die for Him as He died for you. I have surrendered all to Him. I am a better man for the losses because the gains are far more rewarding. So, to those in the dark … I expect to be mocked. I expect to be hated. I expect to be ignored. And to those who will, know I was once one of you.

Know that I will never stop loving you. Know that I will never give up on you. Know that I believe you matter.

And know this – I promise you, that one spark left inside you, that fight you have remaining – you can emerge from the darkness to a place you never thought possible. It’s an indescribable place of happiness and peace that lies just beyond the pain of your traumas. You are not alone in this journey. I love you. You can do this.