Writer: Balwar
Subject: Too Much Guilt / Response to “Guilt Within Christianity” by Evelyn Sterling
Link: LS666 Comments / 29.07.2026
Too Much Guilt
Agree with what you are saying about Christianity suppressing people’s inner self. I believe I’ve been bi since before I even knew it was a “thing”. As a preteen, I wanted to 69 (yes, I didn’t know it was called that then) as the idea of my sucking a “friend’s” cock while he did mine seemed so natural and fun (alas, never occurred).
But no one taught me that; I thought of it on my own. No one had explained that doing so was gay/homo sex; I just thought it seemed like a cool thing to do. My own fears of sex being wrong stopped me from having sex with a boy when I really wanted to (I was surprised he wanted to fuck my butt) because I was afraid of being caught.
Not that it would hurt (god, he was going in bareback and dry, so it would have hurt or been unsuccessful penetration) or that I didn’t want to; it was fucking being scared of being caught (I really hate now that I missed the opportunity).
Anyway, the point is society and religion force us to suppress our true selves to conform. It is an example of change and adapting to survive. If I were that twelve-year-old boy, now I’d be encouraging him to fuck me (after applying some lube of some type lol). Anyway, I see Evelyn’s point, and I feel so bad for all the gay and transgender people, especially younger ones who are trying to figure out the world and the way it “hates” them so much.
Something similar happened to me. When I was twelve or thirteen, I was incredibly horny 🔥, and I had friends who would take groceries to my grandmother. One time, the truck broke down, and I spent hours with Sergio. He would masturbate me while I rode him. There was never any penetration because it hurt when I tried, but I rode him up and down while he masturbated me, kissed my neck, and for a few moments, I could feel his penis against my anus. Now I’m 34, but I regret not giving him oral sex so he could penetrate me…
From one fag to another, I appreciate you, Balwar.
Talk you. Ironic that my favorite uncle was gay (didn’t know it when I was young). Found out years later he was gay (I was already married) and he told me also that he thought I might be gay as I had problems with girls (I was very shy). This reinforces my idea that I’ve been bi all my life. I wonder what could have been had I known he was gay? Would he help guide me to other gay men? I find it interesting that I love the idea of sex with a man but a romantic relationship doesn’t fill my thoughts. However a transgender woman I can envision a romantic as well as sexual relationship. Not sure why but it just is. Either one has a cock and I love cock.
The shoe is on the other foot with me. I desire Cock and hope to marry a Man one day. I find women attractive and enjoying sex in the active role is easier with them, but it has thus far proved unfulfilling compared to Men. I’ve considered the “what-ifs” myself. I did not come out, much less pursue Men until my 30s. You enjoy the transgender woman because she has the male hardware you find appealing AND its being driven by a female operating system. Where the physical and psychological boundaries between being a Man and being a woman are is not something I can say with certainty, even having lived my life with both testosterone and estrogen.
I really hope you find a man that marries you and fulfills all your needs as you deserve. I believe all people deserve to be happy and have a full life.
I also hope you find someone to fall in love with you and love you as much as you will love him, and I hope you get married, maybe adopt a kid or two, watch Instant Family if you haven’t. Mark Whalberg. Funny as hell,
I know how this feels. I’m sorry balwar that you missed that opportunity. The first cock I ever sucked also fucked me when I was 14. I was at my Grandmother’s house, lol. I knew immediately that I loved cock. I sucked a few guys off from the neighborhood, too. Those experiences also had my emotions and young mentality fucked up in ways that I didn’t understand. Of course, it didn’t help that I grew up in a very abusive home where I was not only physically abused, but mentally, too. I was always called a faggot, stupid, dumb, unloveable, worthless, etcetera. My stepmother tried to kill me when I was 15. There was no possibilty of me safely coming out to ANYONE where I lived and in the small hick town I grew up in. My entire life I was fucked in the head about my gender and sexuality. I knew to my core that I should be female. I have tried living as a woman twice in my life. Once, I managed to do it for a full year. I had to stop, though, because I was unemployed, and not being passable on any level, I couldn’t find a job. I nearly became homeless, again. In order to survive, I had to bury the girl in me. Now I’m 59, unhealthy, and disabled. I can crossdress one I get some money, lol. I can wear panties, sodomize my sissy pussy, and hope to get some cock, but that’s it. It’s too late for me to be the real me, unfortunately. So, fuck it and Hail Satan, be yourself. Sorry for rambling.