Things About Lord Lucifer That Genuinely Annoy Me by CultKinkCoven

I was originally gonna write this post as a joke (nothing!) but he encouraged me to be serious. I spend so much time talking about how amazing he is and how wonderful working with him is, so let’s talk a little bit about the (very few) negatives.

1. He’s nosey as fuck

This is usually a good thing because he notices and makes me think about things I’d usually overlook. But sometimes it’s like damn dude, a little privacy?

2. He’s stubborn and usually gets his way in the end – presents the illusion of choice even when you don’t really have one

I’m allowed to refuse things I don’t want to do, but sometimes if it’s something I have to do or something he really wants me to do, we’ll do this back and forth where he always wins in the end.

Lucifer: Now is a good time to take a break

me, painting on my ipad: In a bit I’m in the middle of something

Lucifer: are you sure you don’t want to stop just for a cup of water?

me: no, not really!

*my ipad freezes and dies randomly even though it was at 70%*

Lucifer: aw that sucks. I guess you might as well get a snack now

me: oh for fucks sake man

3. He’s extremely introspective about literally everything

Another thing that is usually good. Lucifer likes to have philosophical debates and deconstruct literally anything and everything.

*me, walking home from work*

Lucifer: do you go out of your way to avoid every puddle?

me: huh? I mean I guess so?

Lucifer: why? Does the idea of getting your shoes dirty make you uncomfortable?

me: uh? I guess? It’s not really dirty, I mean… I’m wearing sneakers, they’ll get wet.

Lucifer: would you alter your route just to avoid a puddle? What is it about the puddle that compels you to make different choices? What if the puddle blocked your path? Would you step in it??? Would you attempt to jump over it? Or would you just do it, let your feet get wet and let it’s discomfort penetrate you? What if the water was clean? Would that change anything? How far will you go to avoid a puddle? What is the puddle? How do your attitudes towards it reveal your sentiments towards other things, other people, yourself, me? What if I was the puddle?

me: uuuuhhmmm I don’t know man I just uh,,, I’m just tryna get to home man

4. He’s a real “maybe!” mother fucker

Lucifer is usually pretty blunt if he has an absolute answer. But because he’s so concerned with having us make our own choices, he can be a real fence sitter sometimes.

me: hey is this spell working out?

Lucifer: 😉 perhaps, perhaps not. Why do you ask?

me: I asked because I wanted an answer man

Lucifer: I answered you. Maybe it is working well, who’s to say.

me: YOU ARE TO SAY JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION

Lucifer: 😉

5. He’s a big “I told you so” guy

I know that he’s always right, but because I am so stubborn I sometimes disregard his advice. He usually isn’t offended, he just shrugs and says “alright do what you want”. But later when I learn that he really was right, he won’t let me hear the end of it. “Oh! So it looks like exactly what I said was going to happen happened! Oh! So I was correct it seems! And you were wrong! Oh!”

Even though these things can be difficult to deal with sometimes I genuinely wouldn’t change anything about him for the world. He’s wonderful even when he’s being stinky.