Writer: Destiny1961
Subject: The Shadow Knows
Link: Fetlife / 25.12.2023
The Shadow Knows
We all have a “Shadow self” that is hidden. The forbidden one, we keep hidden, as it may not be accepted. We talk about the Yin and the Yang and the good and bad — there cannot be one without the other for balance. But we also understand as those who follow the book say “God is all”, this means, both masculine and feminine. We know our bodies have both sets of hormones but what about our spirits? There is love and there is lust. We’re taught one is good and the other evil. So let’s take a stroll — shall we inside?
This journey started way back as I met my soon-to-be wife. I was that typical sex, drug, and rock-and-rock guy, who was supposed to sing for a metal band. Had my long hair but looked like a girl. That was ok cause the groupies liked those feminine-looking singers. Could do without the drugs but was your normal horny guy. Then I met her and what is funny is not too long after, we met out of the blue, she said she swallowed.
All my ex-girlfriends wouldn’t go down. And now I met one, who not only did but swallowed too. Our first date ended with me eating her for dessert. She even told me she could have sex anywhere, anytime. But there was something off with me, as had been through so many short relationships and had friends who we bisexual and gay. At some point, even though I was too — I thought to myself — why couldn’t I keep a girl?
So, we have been married a while, and I start looking at porn to try and keep things fresh and find myself coming across tranny porn. It was a strange feeling. I knew once while eating her, I tried to finger her ass — but it was wrong —and yet one other time in a sixty-nine, she slid a finger up my ass. Maybe I could dress and let her fuck me with a strap-on. But she was not the fetish type and believed in what she called “natural” love.
We ended up down the line becoming born again and the sex just dropped off.
Was it my fault that I had these weird feelings? These weird desires? And desires some things that were supposedly “off limits”. Then one night, she was extra horny, and kind of took control and I became kind of her submissive. It made me cum so quickly. I do remember one time after she rode me, and I came inside of her — she slid up for me to eat her out — I did not think about it until I started to lick her extra sticky cunt, that I was actually eating my own cum.
It was like something inside her was different.
Then there was a night when we were both super-drunk. It had been a while since she took control again. But she sat on me and placed my hands on her breasts. Once my dick was lubed, she slid it out of her cunt and into her ass. She placed her hands on my chest and rubbed them like breasts. But this was sodomy! It was supposed to be evil. The look on her face was wicked. She rode me and then used her anal muscles to milk me. I exploded in her ass. But she needed her cunt to be eaten, so she sat on my face, and I ate her pussy, while feeling my the cum ooze from her anus.
While she was living, for Christ, there was something deeper. I felt it inside me as well. You see I had a vasectomy years ago. At times I felt, Satan, telling me that I was no longer a man, as could not reproduce. I looked feminine but had a wife so was supposed to be a man. I had laid down years ago, like a prostitute, and gave my ass for a friend and at the time felt like a girl. But I am married though over many years was nonsexual. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had sex, or sucking a man’s dick, or being fucked. I certainly wasn’t fulfilling my duties to her.
We‘d got married on Halloween. Was that a sign of something evil?
My wife was now dying of cancer. I had decided to try to follow Christ. I wanted to be a good husband to her. To change my life. To turn things around for the better. But, at the same time, I began to discover my “shadow self”.
Over the past years have felt this feminine “dark side” to lust. I was getting fat and had begun to use over-the-counter hormones to grow small breasts. Did she know they were growing? I guess she chalked it up to my age and my weight. Maybe she knew something. I watched her slowly fade and pass. I wished I could have given her more but I was lost too. I was so broken. There seemed to be a fight between the two sides of my nature.
I could picture the look on her face during sex and wished I was her. I never felt it like she did. The way she looked when she felt me fill her and when she swallowed my cum. I knew that feeling. I liked that myself, maybe her spirit helped me there. I could feel her energy though as my own feminine side was growing inside. I decided to stop fighting it. I found myself in a new spirit as started to take the hormones again and even got wigs and started to wear feminine lingerie. It felt good. It was as if she was there with me.
But I also was aware that this was wrong according to her beliefs in the Bible. I started to get these feelings — as if there was unfinished business between us — and I knew that she’d left unfulfilled. I felt like I was losing my mind. I would find myself wearing this and that of hers — like her earrings or even her panties and bra. It was like I felt her — as I acted out my strange desires. They say that parents can live through their children but wanted her to stay alive through me.
Then comes the vision.
I finally have enough wearing her earrings and underwear. I decided to go to a therapist. The female therapist was the type that believed in magic. She told me that she felt my shadow. She said that I have looked into the dark and am afraid of it.
“What you don’t see cannot hurt you,” she said.
I thought about this. What you do see in the dark?
“You are afraid of change,” she said, “But now there is nothing to hold you back.”
She revealed to me that she was a transexual.
“Your fear is of your own femininity and lust,” she continued, “Let’s do a test. Let me blindfold you first. There is a special place I must take you. You can remove your blindfold once you are there — your spirit will guide you.”
I agreed and she gave me something to drink to relax me and I was to get naked first. I go into this special place and remove my blindfold. I start to feel weird from the drink. It was drugged but I found a sort of chaise lounge and laid down. It is pitch black inside.
I swear I hear movement close to me. Hypnotic music begins and I allow my mind to be open and relaxed.
“Let go. Feel me.”
I let the drugs work and feel a presence.
“She is here,” I said.
“Just let go.”
It feels like there is a tongue on my dick. I get hard. I open my eyes and there is a shadow. I have breasts. They feel firm and my nipples are erect. My dick is guided into a tight asshole. Now hands are touching and caressing my little breasts.
“You owe me,” said a voice that sounded like a mixture of her and something darker.
A strong vibration goes through me. My cock is being milked by the muscles of the anus. I blink my eyes a few times. Now I am looking through her eyes down at my body.
“Feels good, doesn’t it,” I feel her say.
I am inside her spirit.
“Get used to it. You owe me.”
Now in a twist, I split inside her. I am two spirits. It’s me, my shadow, and her. My feminine shadow hugs and kisses her. We’re like two lesbian lovers.
“Don’t worry. We are yours, baby, and will complete you,” the darkness says to her.
“There is a lot of lost time,” she says.
Looking up, yet, looking down — I am now between the two.
“It is time. You must go. She will take over, so we can do all that she has missed.”
But as my wife was this devout Christian, I see a vision of lust, where she is not only with one but with many. I wonder how. I realized as they pressed against me my body. I will be their vessel to enjoy this all. Now other things are moving in the dark room. I am not alone.
I see her spirit. She opens her mouth. Mine opens too and I taste it. Someone shoots a load into my mouth. I see her spirit glow as she tastes it. Now I feel my legs lifted and spread open. I feel a cock head pressed against my hole. I am pressed between them, as we become one spirit.
I open my eyes and rub my tiny tits. I feel semen splash on them. I am her and she is me. We’re horny as hell. I feel myself being penetrated — it’s like energy passing through my body.
“I could have sex anywhere at any time, I hear her say.
I feel pure lust. My nipples tingle. My ass feels like a horny pussy as another cock fills me. My head was tilted backward and another cock fills my mouth. I am a horny bitch. My holes are both filled.
Some candles are lit. There are many men of different shapes, sizes, and colors. Their cocks are all I need. They begin to take both my holes, shooting in and on me — in a gangbang. My feminine self wants it this way, as I think about the lost time.
I suddenly awaken. I am soaked in sweat and feeling extremely horny. I think how I owe this to her and that it’s time to become her and fulfill her destiny — so now it’s time to find those to help us.
THE END