I Love Bi Men (& So Should You!) – Non-Fiction

Over the years I’ve dated several bisexual men. Most of them were closeted, only sexually enjoying other men through porn. In some cases, I was the only person in their lives to know about these desires. There’s definitely a double standard when it comes to bisexuality between women and men. If a woman is bisexual then it’s “hot” and much more acceptable (of course, this varies between where you are in the world and how accepting the people around you are of gay people in general), but if a man is bi then he’s assumed to just be gay and doesn’t want to admit the truth to himself. As a bisexual woman who has dated men and women, I haven’t been without stigma either. There was a time in my life where I hung out almost exclusively with lesbians and the assumption that lesbians make about bi women is that they’re actually straight and just experimenting or trying to look cool. In both these cases, bisexuality is erased and the assumption happens that the bi person is really only attracted to men.

I’m sure I don’t need to tell any of my readers that so many men (and women, but this article is directed toward men) are afraid of being labeled gay because of the stigma it can bring socially. If you come out will your friends still feel comfortable around you? Will you lose important people in your life because of it? What if you’re only sexually attracted to men but not romantically? What if you experiment and want to change your mind about your identity? Does that mean you’ll always be labeled gay and can’t change it in the future? Will there be people who hate you when they find out? All of these reasons make it appealing for bi men to not come out and share this part of themselves with the world.

If this is something you’ve struggled with, I want you to know that there are plenty of people who will accept you as you are. If you ever want someone to talk to about it, I’m here for you. And I also want you to know that it’s okay to live your life however you want to — if that means keeping your attractions to yourself, that’s also your choice and I support you in that. We all do whatever we need to get by and feel loved and accepted.