PUNISHED AT ST. SADE’S 1

Feature Writer: Julie20

Feature Title: PUNISHED AT ST. SADE’S 1

Published: 13.11.2011

Story Codes: Fetish

Synopsis: Tara learns many lessons

Punished at St Sade’s 1

I went to boarding school at the Convent of St Sade where rigid discipline was very much at the centre of life. It was a “crammer” for eighteen year olds who had failed their A levels. No-one knows more about punishment than nuns and correct behaviour was enforced by pain and humiliation. All of us girls came from the sort of home where our school hols were spent under the watchful eye of our parents and there was definitely no opportunity to meet boys during term time so I am fairly certain we were all virgins. I know I was. Of course I knew the mechanics of sex and where he put his horrible thing up inside you but the thought of a boy doing that to you horrified most of us and none of us had actually seen an example of the organ in question. We were told that when we became married we would do our duty in allowing our husbands to do what they needed to do to us.

Modesty was seen as very important so that when we undressed for bed in the dorm we would always pull on our nightdress before reaching up inside it to remove our knickers. When we changed for gym we would face the wall so there was no chance of anyone seeing our breasts or, heaven forbid, anything “down there”. Of course facing the wall meant that one’s curved girlish buttocks and the unspeakable dirty slot between them were facing the room but, as all the other girls were facing the wall, no-one should even see our bottoms. When we went to the showers we were wrapped in our towels until we were between the individual partition walls in the showers which came up to our neck.

If any girl did take an unhealthy interest in one’s body it would be our duty to report her to the nuns. We were all encouraged to inform on our friends because if you saw your friend going wrong it was your duty to report her so that she could be punished and corrected otherwise you would be guilty of the same sin as her.

Despite all these controlling measures we were all normal healthy, growing girls with the attendant passions but when you could not resist doing – that is when you found your hand going where we could not even mention in bed – you had to make sure that you were under the covers in the dark and you made yourself keep silent and prayed that the bed did not creak. If one of the other girls heard you pleasuring yourself she might report you and then you would have to stand up in Assembly and tell the whole school what you had done. This would probably be followed by a very thorough caning with you stretched over the table and facing the school so that they did not see your bare bottom when you were bent over with your skirt raised and your knickers around your ankles. The staff sat on the platform in Assembly so all the staff, some of whom were MEN would see your bare behind and the vivid red stripes across the white flesh. Of course being seen red faced with your nose running and tears streaming down your cheeks as you kicked your feet and begged for mercy was so deeply humiliating that it added to the pain of the caning.

The Headmistress was Reverend Mother who was a very strict and severe nun who had been a nun since she was sixteen and she had definitely never been troubled by unnatural urges of the flesh. There were, as has been said above, some men on the staff; some were ordained priests and some were not. I guess crushes between girls and staff of either gender may have happened but the consequences of these becoming known do not bear thinking about.

So it was against this background that I made my big mistake. I had happened to find the word “Lesbian” in a dictionary. You will think me very immature for an eighteen year old but you have to remember the sheltered world in which we were all kept; our television and reading material were very strictly controlled and most of us hardly knew ANYTHING. Well at tea time I was giggling with my friends around our table and I said that I thought Sister Fortitude was probably a lesbian. How could I have been so stupid, stupid, stupid?

Of course one of them was bound to inform on me and the axe fell at breakfast the following morning. As I came into the refectory with the rest of my dorm Sister Patience bustled over to me and told me to have a drink of orange juice and then hurry to Reverend Mother’s study. For a moment I froze in horror. I was being summoned to Reverend Mother’s room and was not even being allowed breakfast; of course I had forgotten my casual remarks of the day before so I had no idea of the reason for my summons but I knew it could only be bad. The other girls said nothing as I gulped down a glass of juice and then practically ran out of the refectory fearful of keeping Mother waiting.

I stood in front of the ornately carved oak door trying to control my panting and making sure that my hair was not straggling over my face then I knocked and heard her commanding voice bid me enter. She was sitting behind her huge desk and she did not ask me to sit so I stood practically to attention but with my hands entwined just below my waist. Reverend Mother did not waste any time before coming to the point and she spoke about the sins of gossip and false witness and coarse language. Of course with every word she spoke I felt more and more wretched and she made me sound like the Whore of Babylon. Then she paused for a second before pronouncing sentence.

“You are to be sent to do penance in the annex.”

My mouth fell open and I thought I was going to faint. She might as well have punched me in the stomach. The annex was a self contained part of the school building down in the East Wing. It was reached down a cold gothic stone passage and through a huge arched oak door which was always kept locked. The domain of fear was presided over by Father Worthy and Sister Penitence who was a grim faced and terrifying nun. Father Worthy was a huge man with a red face. If he so much as looked at you he made you want to back away, his eyes seemed to bore right into you stripping away all your clothes and he gave the impression that he could see right into your mind and was disgusted at what he saw. Some girls had gone to the annex and never been seen, or even spoken of, again. Mostly girls did return from their penance but none of them would ever say a word about what happened there. Some girls had been sentenced to spend every weekend in the annex and on Friday evening before going to knock on the terrible door they would be really quiet and withdrawn.

My shocked and befuddled mind was dimly aware that Mother was still speaking and I forced myself to try to take in what she was saying. It seemed that before being taken to the annex I was to be made an example to the rest of the school and, in Reverend Mother’s warped, sadistic mind, the punishment would fit the crime.

“…….and so, as you have tried to undermine Sister Fortitude’s dignity by your slander you, in turn, will find what it means to lose your dignity. You will now remove your clothing.”

My arms, of their own volition, went across my chest in defence and my mouth fell open in horror. Surely she could not mean that I was to undress right here in front of her in the middle of her study. She raised her voice in command.

“If you continue to disobey me I will have Father Worthy undress you on the platform in Assembly.”

Driven by the fear of having that man touch me I stripped off my red cardigan and placed it on a chair then I pulled off my tie and it joined the cardigan. Anxious to obey the command of the woman who was silently watching my every move my fingers fumbled open the buttons on my white blouse and put the garment on the chair. I now felt very exposed with lots of bare white skin showing and my neat little breasts only protected by the white regulation school issue bra.

Stealing a glance at the woman who was looking at me with utter contempt on her face I knew I had to further expose myself. Miserably I reached behind, which pushed my breasts out, to unfasten the grey skirt and let it fall. Now I was just in white kneesocks and my white bra together with my regulation white cotton knicks. I had to stoop to pick up my skirt and place it on the chair and, as I did so, I was very aware of showing my cleavage to the hawklike pedagogue behind the big oak desk.

Although her instruction to undress had been clear I could not imagine she meant me to uncover any more of my body so I stood facing her with my fingers woven together in front of the slight, puffy swell between my legs. No-one had seen me so unprotected except the school doctor who made annual inspections and I even hated exposing my body to the doctor as keeping covered up had been so ingrained into every girl in the school.

Her voice was level and terrifying as she spoke.

“You have not finished doing what you were told to do girl and my patience with your disobedience is beginning to wear very thin.”

I knew that the command carried within it a threat of more punishment and as my self- respect drained away I hunched up my body and reached behind to my bra clasp. As I pulled the straps from my shoulders the garment came away and I felt the cold air on my boobs. I was aware of a very uncomfortable tingling in my tender nipples as I placed the warm bra on the chair and then made my hands go to the sides of my knickers and push downwards.

My face was burning as I exposed my little furry triangle to the woman’s eyes and I was aware that the embarrassing hair did nothing to cover the fleshy lips between my thighs. I also shed my shoes and socks.

Reverend Mother stood and came around to my side of the desk.

“Have you not learned to fold your clothes child?”

“Yes Reverend Mother, sorry Reverend Mother.”

I bent to fold each garment aware of my breasts hanging free. To my intense alarm my nipples had swollen and I had a terrible urge to caress them to ease the discomfort but I knew I could not do that. There was also a tightness between my legs which was increasing.

When there was a neat pile of folded laundry on the chair Reverend Mother ordered me to fold my arms behind my back and hold my elbows in my hands. As soon as I had adopted the humiliating position she strode to the door and opened it.

“Come with me.”

This was too much. I fell to my knees on the carpet.

“Please Reverend Mother don’t make me go out into the corridor. I can’t go out there like this. Please.”

She moved like lightning towards me and I never saw the slaps coming. Her hand caught me across the left cheek and then zipped back onto the right making my face sting, my ears ring and my eyes water. The anger in her voice was terrifying.

“Get up right now and come with me!”

It was impossible to withstand the force of her command. I stood, placed my arms behind me and walked out of the door into the corridor with her. Girls were trooping into Assembly and, of course, they all gawped at my naked body. Some gasped and others giggled with their hands over their mouth. The air was full of whispering. In utter misery I walked beside Reverend Mother into the hall and up the steps onto the platform where she positioned me at the side of the stage facing my peers.

I was looking at my toes and trying to make the tensions in my nipples and down there go away as Reverend Mother opened the Assembly and then she began to speak about me. Every word was like a whiplash as she told the whole school what a disgusting creature I was and how I needed correction for my own good and to discourage any girl who might be in danger of becoming like me. Towards the end of the discourse when I was having to work really hard at not sobbing out loud she put her hand into the pocket of her habit and took out a large white bar of school soap. She advanced upon me telling the school about the penalty for filthy speech and she ordered me to open my mouth.

Of course I obeyed and she thrust the soap into my mouth and commanded me to bite down. A ripple of laughter ran around the hall and then Assembly continued with songs, prayers and notices as I stood naked, exposed and totally humiliated. But she was not done with me yet as I discovered at the end of Assembly.

“Because Tara has chosen to use her tongue for such filthy purposes she will be denied the gift of speech for the rest of the day and she will spend the day in humiliation in the hope that she learns not to repeat her offences.”

The whole school knew the traditional way of denying speech and, sure enough, the cast iron scold bridle was brought from the back of the platform. It was made of black strips of metal and looked rather like a domed bird cage. The thick band around the base hinged open and when it was swung shut the thick, iron tongue welded to the inside was forced between the lips of the unfortunate wearer. Rev Mother removed the soap from my mouth leaving evil tasting foam filling my mouth and then the dome went over my head and the cold iron invaded my mouth and the device was padlocked shut with the lock hanging from the front of the base band. Because of the domed structure going up over my head like a helmet I was forced to look at the world through the bars as my mouth was held wide open by the iron between my teeth.

I was made to stand naked and bridled as the whole school filed out past me and then Reverend Mother told me to go to join my classmates. I was to follow my normal school timetable but, of course, I would not be taking part in any discussions in class or even during breaks.

The first lesson was French with Sister Patience and, of course, I arrived last and had to slip into my place as the lesson began. Someone had placed my book bag beside my chair. The wooden chair was cold and it stuck to the skin of my buttocks. Whenever I tried to move I made a rude sound as my skin came free of the wood and made my classmates giggle. I cannot describe how it felt to be sitting there with my naked nipples pointing at Sister Patience at the front of the class but the thought was beginning to fill my mind that the next lesson was Maths with Mr Turner. I was certain that I would die of embarrassment.

Well, eventually the lesson ended with all the girls around me putting up their hands and answering questions while I sat mute with all that humiliating ironwork locked on my head. Now I knew that I would have to stand up and walk out of the room showing once again my dark secret hair and my most private place down there. My heart was pounding as I stood up and, of course, my bum had stuck to the chair so it came free with a loud noise and a tearing sensation which made me squeal into my iron gag.

Two girls behind me giggled.

“She’s got a red bum as if she’s been spanked.”

“Well she should be spanked for running around with nothing on like that. She’s lewd.”

Of course I could not answer them. My heart was still pounding as I made my way to the maths room where I would meet Mr Turner the youngish Maths master. How could I possibly bear him looking at my naked body? And to make it worse I was damp between my legs and my nipples were standing out like two tiny red cucumbers. As I went into his room I held my book bag in front of me which made walking awkward and I hurried to sit down.

“Tara’s in my place Sir.”

“Tara, you know where your seat is. Move so Jenny can sit down.”

Feeling foolish I moved my seat once more giving his eyes another good look at my body. We did a practical exercise which involved measuring the room with yardsticks and tapes and Mr Turner made me move around the room helping with this so I had to hold one end of the tape. This involved crouching down with my boobs hanging down and reaching right up into the top corner of the room, so I was on tiptoe at full stretch and showing every detail of my body.

Laura, on the other end of the tape, took so long to write down the measurement that I had to stand like that for ages and I was so embarrassed that I fumbled and dropped the tape to a chorus of “Oh Tara” from the whole class. I bent down to retrieve the tape and returned to my horribly exposed position until Laura had done what she had to do then, when I was allowed to move, I stumbled over a wastebin and blundered into a desk causing it to move and bang into Susan who screamed in pain. Mr Turner happened to be holding a wooden yardstick at the time and he brought it down with all his strength across my naked buttock making me scream into my gag and cut my mouth in the process. Of course the whole class laughed.

He spoke to me angrily.

“Tara, if you cannot do anything constructive you had better spend the rest of the lesson standing on that chair at the back of the room.”

Miserably I climbed onto the chair with my face to the wall and he told me to turn around so that I could still see the blackboard (and so that he could see the front of my body). So there I stood for the rest of the lesson balancing on the seat of the chair. Because I was at the back of the class they all had their backs to me although several girls could not help turning around to steal a peep at me. Mr Turner was facing me the whole time and enjoying an uninterrupted view of my boobs. I kept my hands clasped in front of my fuzzbush with my left hand over the top of the right one but I could not keep my right hand from pressing into my soft depths which made standing still quite an effort. I have to admit that I felt a certain degree of pride to see the definite bulge in the front of Mr Turner’s trousers and to know that it showed he was being affected by me. This pride was tinged with a little fear as I was fairly sure that his filthy male mind was imagining doing unspeakable things to me.

After an absolute age the bell signalled the start of Break and the girls trooped out while I was made to stay in place until they had all gone. Then Mr T gave me permission to follow the others which meant that I had to walk the length of an empty classroom under his lustful eyes. As usual a lot of the girls went to the tuck shop at break but, of course, this was denied to me as a girl can neither eat nor drink with a lot of scrap iron locked into her mouth. I was hungry and thirsty and was a little worried about what was going to happen at lunchtime. Break was a very lonely time as I could not speak to my friends and none of them wanted to be with me for fear of incurring Reverend Mother’s wrath for associating with such a sinner as myself.

The end of Break was a relief in the sense of ending my time alone just resting up against a wall watching all the other girls from afar but it also meant another ordeal. The whole time from Break to Lunch was a Gym lesson and Gym was taken by the very same Sister Fortitude whose sexual leanings I had slandered. Sister Fortitude was younger than most of the other nuns and she normally wore a navy tracksuit instead of a nun’s habit although she did keep her head covered in a black scarf. I had been having dark thoughts about the young nun during break because I had realised for the first time that Sister Fortitude always supervised us in the changing room and showers. In my girlish naiveté I had always assumed that she did this to ensure we did not transgress the rules but now, for the first time, it had occurred to me to wonder why she spent so much time among naked and half naked schoolgirls. I was very nervous about how she would treat the girl who had spread gossip about her.

Everyone else in the class trooped into the changing rooms but Fortitude stood at the changing room door and ordered me to follow her into the gymnasium while the other girls changed. Of course I would spend the whole lesson in the same humiliating nudity as I had spent the rest of the morning.

There was a distinctly unpleasant tilt at the corner of Fortitude’s mouth as she told me that I would spend the time waiting for the other girls to change by warming up. Then she began barking orders for me to do star jumps, running on the spot and sit ups. I was very aware of how my little boobs bounced and how much I showed of my most intimate parts as I did my enforced exercise with the padlock on the front of my bridle rattling. I was sure that Fortitude was really enjoying my discomfort. As I was bouncing about with my skin scarlet and running in perspiration girls began to drift in from changing and they just stood and watched while making little remarks among themselves.

When the formal lesson began Fortitude had the whole group doing PT exercises such as star jumps and sit ups then we moved on to mat work and vaulting over the box. She kept us working at full speed and, whenever I went over the horse, she made sure she was on hand to grab my bare body and give me an extra push as I grunted into my steel gag and was very aware of how damp I was down there. In fact, to my horror, I knew that little droplets of moisture were forming between my legs for all to see.

In short it was nothing more than ninety minutes of pure torture mixed with sexual overtones between Fortitude and myself of which I am fairly sure the other girls were totally unaware. Twice I lay on the floor panting and feeling I could not move a muscle and she stood over me blowing her whistle and berating me until I stood up to face even more mistreatment.

When the bell rang for Lunch the other girls went to change and Fortitude ordered me to go to the refectory to report to Reverend Mother. I was not happy about this at all but what could I do but obey?

As soon as I entered the refectory Reverend Mother grabbed my forearm in a painful grip which caused my face inside its little cage to crease up. With the few girls who were at lunch early watching she dragged me to a place behind the top table where a heating pipe ran down the wall and she threaded a length of string around the pipe and around the front of the bridle so that my head was tied to the pipe. Then she left me so that I was obliged to stand there displaying my naked bottom to the whole room with my face up against the wall.

I stood there for the whole of lunch and I am ashamed to say that I could not keep my hands from going to the soft tender area between my legs. I told myself that, as my back was to the room, no-one could see what I was doing between my body and the wall but now I realise that I was fooling myself. I was hopping from foot to foot and my breathing was irregular and forced and accompanied by little moans and gasps as my questing fingers rubbed with increasing vigour and became wet with my juices. And I was doing all of this a few feet from the staff dining table with the whole school watching me. My mind was so flooded by treacherous endorphins that it had no control and I was unable to think about what I was doing but now it seems that my morning of bitter humiliation had somehow triggered something deep within me and all my sexual responses, so long suppressed, had now exploded.

Lunch finished and the school filed out into the playground to spend the remainder of the lunch hour in socialising leaving me still tied to my pipe with my mouth dry and my stomach rumbling. Sister Fortitude came to me and, without warning, her hand landed in a stinging slap across my left buttock making me yelp. Two more stingers landed causing me to hop vigorously from foot to foot then she put her head very close to the ironwork around my head and whispered so that no-one else could hear.

“That was for the disgusting display which you were giving during lunch. Everyone knew exactly what you were doing.”

Then she returned to her normal voice.

“Now it is time for the little animal to be fed.”

She cut the string binding me to the pipe then reached between the bars around my caged head and gripped my ear which she used as a handle to drag me out of the room, along the corridor and out into the yard where the school was milling around. I was dragged to the back door of the kitchen where the pig bin, containing the scraps from everyone’s meal had been tipped into an earthenware trough. Producing a key from her pocket Fortitude unlocked the horrible bridle and pressed down on my shoulders so that I was kneeling at the trough. Then she grabbed a hank of my hair and pressed my face down into the trough with its mixture of cold soup, squashed vegetables and rice pudding.

My bottom was in the air and I knew that the fleshy lips between my buttocks were on view as I lapped up the cold mixture with my hair falling over my face into the trough. Fortitude stood over me as I ate with a little ring of girls standing around at a safe distance to enjoy the show. When Fortitude felt I had eaten sufficient my hair was painfully grabbed and I was hauled to my feet with my face, hair and even my boobs covered in bits of food. She dragged me to an outside tap which she turned on full blast and forced my head under the freezing flow then picked up a rag and began to vigorously rub my breasts. To the watching, giggling girls she appeared to be just washing me but both Fortitude and I knew exactly what was being done to my tender nipples which were now standing to attention and throbbing very uncomfortably.

After what seemed a very long time I was hauled to my feet and turned around with my soaking hair sticking to my face and cold water running down my naked body and I beheld the huge, black-clad bulk of Father Worthy who must have been standing watching my being washed. I tried to shrink back from the forbidding man. Could he have been there when I was face down in the trough showing my most secret part? I desperately hoped that he had not witnessed my debasement but I think I knew that he had seen everything.

I had expected to have all day going to lessons in my nakedness before being taken to the annex but it seemed that he had come for me now. The horror of the morning had taken me to my limit and beyond and now it felt that the devil himself had come to take me. I just could not face any more and I hugged Sister Fortitude with my face pressed to her bosom as I begged her in floods of hysterical tears not to let him take me. His huge hand closed over my forearm and I saw the big emerald ring which he always wore. For some reason my eyes locked on the ring and I noticed that the jewel had been swung to one side exposing a tiny silver needle. He lifted his hand from my arm and I felt a scratch on the back of my hand.

A childish voice deep inside my mind spoke in a very calm, matter of fact way,

“He has scratched my hand.”

There was a whooshing sound in my ears and I sank to my knees feeling that I was shrinking and a horrible black cloud was gathering around me and blocking out all the faces looking down at me. They were moving their lips but I could not hear what they were saying. My arms were weightless and I was falling into a deep, dark pit.

Even in unconsciousness I was not to be allowed any rest. I don’t know what the drug in the ring had been but it unlocked that dark place deep within my mind to which I had consigned my most shameful fantasies. I saw myself naked and stretched over Mr Turner’s desk with him taking me by force; then I was on my bed in the dorm with my legs splayed wide apart and every girl in the dorm taking turns to play with my sensitive flesh. I had long had a secret crush on Alycia who slept in my dorm and had huge rounded breasts and now I saw myself caressing her naked breasts while Reverend Mother stood by with her cane ready to punish me for what I was doing.

After an age of the most arousing and debasing visions I found myself floating and feeling a gentle stroking between my legs. I opened my eyes and looked up to see Sister Fortitude sitting on the bed beside me and stroking my most private and tingly part. For a while I thought this yet another fantasy but then I looked around and saw that I was on a narrow wooden bed in a bare stone room which had an iron grille instead of a door. I knew that I was in the dreaded annex.

Fortitude spoke.

“I have come to help Father Worthy. Sister Patience is taking my Gym class.”

With one hand she continued her lovely gentle stroking and with the other she unzipped the front of her tracksuit top to allow her neat white breasts to spill out into my view. She was smiling and making soothing sounds as her working between my legs increased in vigour and her naughty fingers began to dip between my secret lips aided by the lubrication of the increasing moisture which I was supplying.

My body began to writhe and deep sighs were issuing from my throat. Fortitude leaned down to me and her free hand caressed my tender breast. Automatically my hands came up to return the gesture to her and I was feeling the smooth warmth of her flesh then, our actions choreographed by ancient instincts, our lips met and I felt her tongue exploring my mouth and slipping around my own tongue.

Our bodies were entwined now and she had pushed down her trousers and stripped off her most un – nunlike tiny purple panties allowing my slender fingers to run through her thick pubic hair and find her intimate depths where her vaginal muscles gripped my hand as if they would never let go. I have no idea of how long we coupled and the cell filled with our gasps and moans but it caused me to slip into a deep sleep.

I awoke to find Fortitude sitting beside me gently stroking my hair. She was back in her navy tracksuit but I enjoyed a thrill at the knowledge that she was almost certainly completely naked beneath her one layer of clothing. I looked up and beheld the frightening form of Sister Penitence standing behind Fortitude. Penitence was the ugliest woman I had ever seen; her face was wrinkled and dominated by her huge nose and she was big. I don’t mean that she was fat but she was thick set, like a man, and abnormally tall. She was in her full nun’s habit. The combined presence of Fortitude who had so recently made love to me and Penitence who had a fearsome reputation had a very unbalancing effect upon me.

Fortitude spoke quietly and gently as she explained that I had a dark seed of evil set deep within me.

“You enjoyed what we did didn’t you?”

I confessed that I had very much enjoyed it and Fortitude said that my dark needs had to be given vent at times but I had to learn that pleasure must always be balanced with punishment so that my soul could be cleansed. She told me that I now had to go with Sister Penitence and I had to obey her for my own good. Fortitude stood up and moved to one side so that Penitence could advance upon me; the woman grabbed my hair and yanked me off the bed. She held my hair at about level with her own waist so that I was obliged to walk while bent double with a searing pain in my head as I felt she was pulling my hair out by the roots.

We went out through the grille and into the next door room which was lit by a single dim, naked bulb hanging from the ceiling. It was a large room with peeling plaster and bare floorboards; I was vaguely aware of sundry items dumped around the room as if this were a junkroom. An old mattress lay in one corner but at the centre of the room was a large oblong table the top of which was a thick dark plank of old wood. Ugly black painted slabs of wood rested against the side of the table and I noticed a line of metal fitments near to either end of the table top.

Penitence released my hair and ordered me to lay face down on the table. Alone here naked and vulnerable with this monster there was no possibility that I would refuse to obey. I climbed onto the hard table and she told me to place my wrists on top of the metal fixings to either side of my neck then she lifted one of the wooden stocks from the floor and fitted it over my neck and wrists bolting it in place with metal bolts which were out of my reach. She then buckled onto my wrists thick leather cuffs so that my wrists were now too wide to be pulled free. All I could do was to look straight ahead and my vision was filled by a bucket of water which stood on the floor with two long birch rods protruding from it.

My jailor had now moved out of my sight and I felt her locking the other stock over my ankles and strapping leather cuffs around my ankles to fix them in place. My legs were held very wide apart. She moved back into view carrying a tin beaker which she placed to my lips and I gulped down the water. I had been very thirsty and was also hungry as I had eaten nothing apart from what I could lap up from the slop trough at lunchtime but I knew that naughty girls did not deserve to be fed. Without a word Penitence left me alone and I heard her locking the door.

I was in great discomfort with my tender nipples pressing into the table and my limbs being held fast in such an unnatural position. I found that it was best if I lay with my head on one side but that was not very comfortable and my eyes kept going to those two birch rods. My stomach was rumbling and I felt acid in my throat. I was also increasingly cold and, apart from the physical discomfort which was very great, I was being tortured by my own thoughts. Since breakfast this morning – was it still the same day – I had been subjected to terrible humiliation and abuse and I had no idea of what lay ahead although the presence of the birch rods were a big clue. I knew that they could do whatever they liked to me in this terrible place and I was tormented by the fear that I could become one of those girls who went to the annex never to return.

It seemed that for hour after hour I lay there moving my head from one side to the other and wriggling my limbs as much as I could then my heart stopped as I heard the door unlocked and then locked again and the huge bulk of Father Worthy appeared before me. He looked down at me as if I were the most disgusting creature he had ever beheld and then he grinned and moved out of my vision. I heard him turning a handle underneath the table and to my horror the table began to hinge in the middle so that my buttocks rose while my head and feet dropped. This pulled my body taught in the stocks so I was now held very firmly with the restraints biting into my ankles, neck and wrists.

He moved in front of me and slowly removed one of the rods from the bucket flexing it in his hands as the water dripped from it. I wanted to beg for mercy but I found that my voice did not work.

Now he was behind me and hidden from my view. I heard the whoosh in the air at exactly the same moment as the rod landed searing agony across my bottom and I screamed as if my lungs would burst. He had only struck once and I was sure I could stand no more but the second stroke landed almost immediately. I was fighting against the stocks but not moving an inch; he had an easy and unprotected target which was being held firmly in place for his torture. It needs to be understood that being birched bears no relation at all to feeling the cane; I was in extreme torture. I wanted to lose consciousness but that did not happen so all I could do was to lie there as he struck me again and again and I felt my warm blood run down my buttocks and between my legs. All rational thought had ended.

There came a point when I realised that I was no longer being struck and I lay on the table gasping for air and sobbing as if I would never stop. I was only dimly aware that he was releasing me from my cruel imprisonment and carrying me as if I had no weight at all to the mattress on the floor. I did not perceive things in a rational way so it was like a nightmare as I registered a huge black shape like a vampire looming over me and descending upon me. All his weight descended upon me as if to squeeze the life from my body and my legs were forced wide apart as if he wanted to tear me asunder like pulling a wishbone.

The world seemed to be full of his loud voice but then I ceased to be aware of anything which happened outside of my own body as my whole consciousness was consumed by the tearing agony deep within my belly. It seemed my whole lower body was being stuffed with something much larger than the space available and I saw in my mind’s eye a picture of myself with the whole front of my body torn open and my innards bursting out like the stuffing from an old teddy bear. As the rape went on and on he was bouncing about on top of me crushing me into the damp mattress with his saliva soaking my hair and my face.

I was not even properly aware when he raised himself from me and yanked my face to his groin. I remember the whole world going pink and a vast fat cylinder which seemed to me as large as a tree trunk moving to my mouth. I smelt his sweat and the reek of his semen (although I did not recognise the smell as I had never smelt it before) and I was choking as it seemed my whole mouth and throat were filled with solid flesh. I was totally convinced that this was death and I found that I yearned for the final peace.

I have no memory at all of the ending of his assault upon me and I am haunted by the thought that I do not know what he did to me during the period when I had ceased to keep a record of events. All I know is that at some point Fortitude was there. She was naked and lying on the mattress beside me bathing my face. I turned to her and tried to reach up to bury my face in her breasts but I could not move; all I could do was to sob and sob. She held me and, some time later, she gently bathed my body in warm water as she made soothing sounds. As I was lying in her warm embrace I felt I was truly in Nirvana; I could not have been happier and the pleasure which I was feeling was worth every minute of my ordeal. I felt a great pride that I had endured as if I had done it for her. Now I understood about the balance between pain and pleasure; they are two sides of the same coin and I wanted to endure even more punishment so that I could enjoy more of this happiness.

I am a bit muddled about time and about the course of events but I know that at some point I was in a warm bed with proper bedding and at some point Penitence brought me a meal on a tray but I have no idea of what it was. I remember Penitence telling me that it was time to return to school. She said it in that strict voice which was the only way that she ever spoke and she said that I had to see something before I left. My school uniform had appeared on the small table in the room and Penitence watched my every move as I dressed. Moving still caused an ache between my legs and I had ugly sore welts on my buttocks so pulling up my knickers was painful. I now saw the almost paranoid modesty amongst the girls in a new light and I wondered how many of them had to hide their bodies to conceal their own scars.

When I was dressed Penitence took me along a corridor to a small room whose walls were the ancient bare stonework of the original building. The room was dimly lit and from the ceiling hung a large iron hook. Suspended from this hook and spinning slowly was a naked and bound woman.

Despite the leather blindfold and the huge iron gag which was distorting her face I recognised Fortitude. Her wrists were chained to the back of her heavy iron collar so that her arms were straining up behind her back and ropes ran from the hook above her and under her arms where one could see how the bindings were cutting into her flesh. Metal clips were biting into her nipples and hanging from the clips were heavy lead balls which were swaying as she moved. The delicate petals of skin which formed her vaginal lips were being stretched downwards by more lead weights which were suspended from these little folds of sensitive flesh and I wondered how any woman could stand such a keen and intimate pain. When she had her back to me I saw a large lump of plastic protruding from between her buttocks which was stretching her back passage to its limit and must have been hurting her greatly. The front and rear of her body showed the livid scarlet wheals of a severe caning which had included her breasts themselves. A bar was fixed between her ankles keeping her legs wide apart as they hung about three feet above the stone floor. Fortitude was not simply spinning around but was also writhing against her bonds as if trying to ease her pain but it was clear that her struggles were futile.

My first reaction to this scene was horror but, to my shame, I have to confess that all the muscles between my legs tightened and, if I had not been under the eyes of Penitence, I would certainly have dipped my hand between my own legs to ease the tension which was being aroused there.