My walk to Satan.

My family have been born-again Christian before my mother was even thought of. “The Galardo Family” is what they called us in church, we were always together.. always praising “The Lord” 3-4 times a week. And you HAVE to go, with no complaints. Or the church judge your character.

In fact, I remember attending my aunts church one night, the pastor told my mother god told him I was possessed. Only because a 10 YEAR OLD child didn’t know how to sit quietly for a 2 ½ hour service. About 6 different women and men hovering over me, 8-9 hands over my head, screaming in tongues. “Get this devil out of her, because if she can’t stay still to hear god’s word, she must be possessed.” All I could think about where all the spit hitting my face, the ringing in my ear from the base of multiple voices all at once, and DESPERATELY wanting to get the fuck outta there and go play.

I always knew I was different then normal girls. In 1st grade, I would let a boy in my class touch my breast and pussy, every day. It only stopped when he moved to another school. I was so young, I never thought of it being sexual.

In 2004 we then invited a missionary into our house to live, my mom and dad were having problems and they felt like a lady of god would help my dads “porn addiction”. Instead Rachel put all her focus on us. All we could wear was long skirts, even to school. Music “of the world” were thrown away. Movies with anything scary; had magic, animals, sex, went straight out the window. She even threw away The Wizard of Oz.. I remember crying, begging my mom to keep the movie, only to have her make me throw it away just for asking.

Okay so back to my father. I believe he started his porn addiction back when I was in second grade in 2002. My mom said it was a sin, and scolded him for it. She told the whole church about his addiction, thinking they would help him. But they ended up ruining my childhood by telling her he wasn’t good for her. And she ruined him by listening to everyone but my fathers needs. They got a divorced in 2005, my father tried everything but couldn’t keep her. And she couldn’t except him.

So he left, but my parents left me with something.. You see, even though I was about 10-11 years old my mother never kept us out of her issues with my father. She told us everything he’s done to her. All the porn, cheating, and stealing he did.. She made sure she let us know what a ungodly piece of shit he was, and how she was the victim. There’s always two sides of the story right? Well, at the time I didn’t think that. Unfortunately I didn’t understand why my father did the things he did, why he hurt us. Now that I think about it, my dad was just a misunderstood man like Satan..

Getting way over myself here, let’s get to the juicy part. So when I said my parents left me with something, at the time I didn’t know they opened my eyes to lust for the first time. You see, when my mom told me about his porn.. she hadn’t known that I was to, watching porn. I got a bit curious searching my dads history. It was what my mom did when he was at work so I did it to. Last thing I knew, I was watching it for me.. then trying to rat on my dad.

Porn became a daily, hourly thing after school hours. I did not know what it was to touch myself, but I was sooooo horny I think I cummed a couple of times just looking at the pictures. It would be so intense, I would have to walk away.. slowly. Of course I always went back. Until I was in the hot tub a hot afternoon that I found my sexual nature.. One of the jets glided past my clit, making me jump in shock and excitement. I was so aroused that everytime I would go to the pool, which was every single day considering we lived in FL. I would sit in the hot tub and the jets would massage my clit “by mistake”.

It wasn’t until one day when I let the jets hit my clit just a bit longer than I usually did. I had my first orgasm, it was so extremely tense, that my legs were shaking for a while after. I didn’t understand what this feeling was, but I loved every minute of it.

After that moment, I began touching myself till I orgasm every single time. I loved it so much that I touched myself so much, my clit literally hurt. This went on for 3 years, until my dad moved back from Brazil to be close to us again. He had his own place so I often went there and spend the night. My father worked very hard so he would leave me at his house, by myself.. with his porn infested computer. And let me tell you, he was so happy to be himself freely without my mother, or anyone from church judging him.

That was when I watched lesbian porn, that was also when my life took a turn. I no longer wanted to watch anything else but lesbian porn. I loved every minute of it. I remember watching this one porn scene with strippers that looked like demons fucking each other. I have been trying to find that clip to this day, I don’t think I’ll ever find it.. No other clip clicked in my head like that one.

After my obsession with women, everyday before school I would walk over to my dads house. He would be heading to work at that time so I was alone. I would masturbate to lesbian porn, then walk to the bus stop. It’s times where I would skip school just to watch porn. I would get horny anywhere, I masturbated in the bathroom stalls at school, theaters, pool, anywhere I had privacy.

Until I met my first bisexual friend. Veronica had a crush on me, but I told her that I could persue anything with her because it was a sin and my mother wouldn’t accept it. I always scared of my mother, and because I was like my dad (after I had left the history page open and went to the pool). She thought a devil had possessed her daughter, she beat me a lot for which made me love my dad more than her. But, can you really blame me?

2006, November 12th will be the worst day of my life. My grandmother died fighting 2 breast cancer and lung cancer, she was my rock, she was my heart and soul and I lost her. That was the day I questioned god. You see, I wouldn’t have questioned him if my stupid pastor didn’t say “god came to me in my dream and told me my grandmother will survive this, she will live to see her grandchildren”. She died 2 months after that big prayer they did in tongues, and dancing like they are fucking maniacs.

After that, I did not care anymore. I started to question a lot of things in my faith and my family. Why does god kill? Why did he lie? Did the pastor lie? Why can’t I hear him? Why is this happening to me?.. I was never the same again, I knew Christianity wasn’t the way. It’s so many times I gave my life to god. And then 2 weeks later, I’m watching lesbian porn again and feeling guilty. Then ask for forgiveness again, it became a cycle for years. It was stupid, hard, and pointless to keep asking god “to come in my heart and clean me.. etc etc”. I never felt like a bad person.

I kind of just stopped trying with god, I still watched porn and lived my life. Wasn’t all that it’s cracked up to be, I wasn’t my true self. When you don’t know who you are, you tend to look for it in every single place. I started dating the bad boys, I felt like no one loved me for me and I was used to people treating me like shit. It was almost unnatural for a man to genuinely like me for me, and not my body. I remember giving head for the first time, just because I didn’t want seem like a little bitch. It went around school within two days.

I never had sex, I’ve only been fingered and I gave him head in the a storage room. That wasn’t the case for the whole 8th grade class, I got bullied for 3 years for giving a man what he wanted. They called me whore, said I had 3 abortions, and I got fisted. Funny that the person who started all these rumors was the only person I trusted, Veronica.. yes that bitch.

That’s when my depression came in. I was accepted at home, I wasn’t accepted in school, I wasn’t accepted in the church because I’ll just turn around and sin, then go to Hell and burn for eternity. A demon was always “possessing me” when I got angry or sad, everything became a sin. The world seemed to never work in my favor. My whole family hated me for just being different. I remember my mom calling me the black sheep of the family, the shame of the family consistently. I wasn’t invited to any family events or birthday parties, and we are extremely family oriented so the depression just hit more.

Sad to write this, but it was the first time I just wanted to kill myself. But I was too pussy to do that. I couldn’t even get suicide right. Of course I couldn’t tell my mother these thoughts, because these suicide and depression thoughts are from the devil. And if I wanted to be happy I needed to turn my life around, pray to god for forgiveness and follow his path.

I didn’t even have a loving mother because she was too busy trying to love him and be perfect, she forgot how to be a mother. The only thing that helped me with my depression was smoking weed. And to this day, I will always smoke weed.. once you feel depression, anxiety comes right along with that. And let me tell you, no feeling is worst then having both those disorders and you can’t speak to anyone about it.

I couldn’t tell anyone about my problems, I would get beat for that because it was nobodies business to know anything in the house, when it’s talking about my mother. Lord forbid she knew I smoked, “weed clears your mind and open a door for demons to come in.” My mother beat me for things that was unnecessary. I think she enjoyed it. She chocked me a couple of times for taking my sisters shirts. One day she beat me because I was in the gym with a boy, we weren’t even doing anything I was still young to think about that.

It wasn’t until I met my husband and moved out, when I started living how I wanted. That’s also when I had my first child. I told my mother at 5 months because having a baby before marriage is an abomination. I was shunned from the family even more. A women’s first pregnancy is the most important moment for their lives, it’s where everything changes. I was alone, on my birthday.. I was alone no one, not even one person called that day. I think I cried myself to sleep that night.

My family only showed up after I sent her a picture of my son in the NICU, barely surviving. My mother came to the hospital with my family. She then told me that my aunt found out I stole 1,000 from her and for me to be apart of her family again and for my son to call her grandma, I would have to pay her back after my taxes.

You guys don’t understand why I did what I did. When I left my mothers house, she explained to me that she will never help me with anything. My husbands sister wasn’t the nicest to me back in the day, she wouldn’t let me touch her food. I went 3 days without eating, after that 3rd day I gave in and ate one Ritz cracker. I was hungry, without a job, and the bills were coming up in two weeks. I had to do what I had to do, or I would be homeless.

Fast forwarding to a few years later, when me and my husband started to have issues. We always did, I still had depression and anxiety from my family shunning me. I believe he was my escape from my family which is why I married him, and we had 2 kids.. I didn’t want them to have a life like I did.

A year after my second child was born. I started cheating on my husband with no remorse, he wasn’t working, he wasn’t loving me. I wanted to party, I could never do what I wanted to at my mothers house and right when I moved out, I had to grow up at 19 for my son. I never lived.

So I went years of cheating, being faithful, then cheating again. He is a very jealous man I don’t know how I did it, I just did. He also didn’t mind my porn watching, yes.. I was still watching porn. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband very much. He’s an amazing father and supporter but my life was way corrupted before meeting him.

A few weeks back I’m was looking through some porn, that clip popped in my head of those lesbians. So I tried to search it again, my search went from lesbian strippers, to satanic lesbians.. that’s when the call of Satan came in a porn video. It was called “take a small step”. I’m sure many of you know it.

It’s a prayer to Satan, but it has multiple pictures of porn playing in the background. It creeped me out at first, when I heard the prayer I even took my headphones out. I was like “oh no, nope not doing it.” fortunately, the more I exit out those videos, the more I kept going back to them. Untill I gave in andheard the whole thing. I was so aroused, but more so I was curious and I wanted to know more so I replayed it. I don’t remember what I had to do but I paused it, and when I came back I saw that it stopped on a picture with a Tumblr tag on it.

So it lead me here.. Where I found friends that have accepted me, for me for the first time. And loved me for me. And when I found out their secret to happiness, I also gave myself to Satan.

I have never felt so content with my life. My and my husbands sex is so much better, I’m happier with my kids, I’m happier with me and my life. When things happen, I don’t stress I just keep moving because I’m AT PEACE. The biggest thing is I’m not depressed or have anxiety anymore. I also know I’m not a bad person, for liking the things I do, for being different. I just have desires and it’s nothing wrong with that. The biggest thing is for once, I don’t have to be someone I’m not to please anyone.

I wish I did this years ago, Satan freed me. Along with letting me meet his amazing people. Now I will always walk in my path, and be okay with wherever I lead myself..

I really hope you liked my story, sorry it was long. I appreciate you lovelies taking the time to read it.

Just remember, you are NEVER alone. If you ever feel the way I felt. Please stop everything you are doing and message me, and I’ll do the same. No one deserves to EVER feel like they are nothing.

Last thing, I’ll close this post with a big..

HAIL SATAN!!!!