Is This Normal? – Non-Fiction

Is This Normal?

“I prefer masturbation over having sex — in other words, when you subtract a partner from the sexual equation, you get to be and feel yourself.”

The question had to come up (no pun intended) sooner or later and it has. First off, I chose the photo (if it passes muster with the tumblr gods, when they become aroused may their genital fluids turn to super glue) which was posted on another tumblr. These types of photos and gifs are prevalent, more-so as part of those porn messages which encourage men to place their wives in bed with other men. What was the question that was posed?

“I prefer masturbation to actual sex. There are too many issues that come up when it comes to trying to hook up to have sex. I like it but my pastor tells me masturbation is wrong. I have been told the devil is in favor of anything God opposes. What does your Dark Lord really say?”

Interesting question. l and it involves a topic which is prevalent in porn, on tumblr and among participants on tumblr. Has the Dark Lord made a specific pronouncement on the topic. Not that I am aware of but it is, again using the word “obviously,” something that we do as part of who we are and it is a fundamental act which helps us to engage our thoughts and imagination and offers us a very real response and release when we are aroused and seek release. The Dark Lord is in favor of masturbation because it is the one thing that allows us to privately deal with our desires and especially those sexual and sensual thoughts and desires which xian and society’s (and it’s laws) that we have and, to be honest, sometimes don’t want to have but do for any number of reasons (the wife next door in the bikini or the hunk with the big bulge).

Masturbation is really that part of us and that act which gives us an opportunity to actually think through how we feel about those things sexual and sensual and work out how we feel about them, overcome our internal fears because we even thought about such a subject. We shouldn’t deny ourselves this masturbation … we should actively engage in self pleasure so we can actually discover what we like, what we want,  what we desire, all within a framework private to each of us and shared only if we wish to do so. Masturbation has been and always will be with us. Not often talked about, especially by women,  it has been labeled a sin when it really isn’t. How would you regulate masturbation without a chastity belt or a cage and even then someone will find a way around them. Bottom line: masturbation is “okay’ and not only should be but is something normal people and not just satanists “do” all the time.

The question doesn’t end there, however. The guy is saying that he finds that he prefers masturbation over actually having sex with a partner. He has, he says, come to the realization that his self pleasure is much more pleasing that always having to worry about performing and pleasing someone else. Is the Dark Lord angry because he is being totally selfish when it comes to sex and his kinks (his words). He acknowledges that he realizes that the Dark Lord wants him to realize that giving pleasure is a form of being selfish because that is something you would want to do. However, he wants to cut out the other person and their free will, etc,  He enjoys sitting back and, you might say, “watching” even if what he is “seeing” is in his mind.

The kicker is, our inquirer is married (at least he says he is) and while he engages in a steady schedule of sex with his wife, its a two-person things, and has it’s ups and downs.  He is feeling guilty about it. No, his wife isn’t aware of this emerging issue. He wants to know if he’s “okay” with the Dark Lord because he feels the way he does.

He shares that he finds Mrs. Thumb and her four daughters are more pleasing than intercourse … with his wife or any other partner. You might be surprised to discover that many women have the same issues and the same question. When it comes to the Dark Lord, our inquirer says he has only begun his journey on the left hand path because he feels his thoughts are so anti-xian that he must be.

First, our inquirer needs to go back and see what is involved when one commits to follow the Dark Lord. You don’t become a follower because you find you can’t  “stop sinning.” Sinning is something we do everyday if for no other reason than we are awash in it, almost everything we do involves sinning. But that is not our focus. The following is a recent article written from a woman’s perspective. You can find this on google:

“I thought sex was supposed to be this amazing thing…but I definitely prefer to get off on my own.”

Dear Is This Normal,

I’m 25, single, and living in a large city. Hookup culture is a huge part of where I live (less so because of the pandemic, but still), and I’m not really into it. I like having sex, but in my experience, none of the guys that I’ve hooked up with have made me feel as good as I can make myself feel by masturbating.

I’m kind of bummed about this because I thought sex was supposed to be this amazing thing, and I definitely prefer to get off on my own. I’m wondering if there is something wrong with me. In the past, I’ve liked having sex with my boyfriends, but still, I rarely (if ever) orgasm. I really want to like sex, but I’m not sure how to find a partner who can change this.

Warmly, Playing Solo

xxxxx

Dear Playing Solo

There are so many myths out there associated with sex. One of them is that sex is supposed to be amazing all the time. Another is that we’re supposed to intuitively know how to make it amazing all the time. And a third is that our partners are supposed to intuitively know how to make it amazing all the time. I don’t think any of these things are true. While Samantha Jones’s escapades in “Sex and the City” may have made us believe that sex is supposed to be nothing short of adventurous satisfaction, that isn’t always the case. Sex can be confusing and messy and difficult, and hookup culture is definitely exhausting, especially when we’re young.

Not that young people are universally bad at having sex. But the more I grow and come into my sexuality, I’m realizing just how much about sex comes from experience. Many women or vulva owners are ashamed of masturbation, or they don’t know how to do it. I remember hearing the boys I went to school with jokingly talking about jerking off, but my friends and I would never talk about masturbating. So you’re already ahead of the game for being comfortable and brave enough to write in and talk about masturbation.

Another thing I want to say is that, yes, you are normal! It’s fine that you don’t want to participate in hookup culture right now. Masturbation is amazing, and it’s not surprising that you’re the best one at pleasing your body. After all, you’re the one with the most experience exploring it.

“It’s extremely normal to prefer masturbation to sex,” says Javay Frye, sexologist and sex educator. “Especially since self-pleasure doesn’t require explaining what you like to enjoy to someone else. It also doesn’t require the added piece of providing someone else with pleasure, which can also create anxiety.”

You can focus on what you like and not worry about what you look like or if you’re actually going to orgasm. “Performative receiving,” a term often used in the sexual education sectors, is defined by the act of performing your pleasure during sex — for example, acting your moans or faking orgasms. When you’re masturbating, you don’t have to worry about any of that.

Still, it’s frustrating when sex doesn’t feel the way we want it to. For some people, especially those who don’t have vulvas or vaginas, pleasuring one can feel like a bit of a mystery. Maybe the people you’ve hooked up with haven’t yet learned how to please your body. Maybe they think they’re doing a good job because of what they learned in porn or are using a past partner as an example.

That said, amazing sex is definitely possible — it’s just not as automatic as we may have grown up to think. Having good sex takes communicating your needs and desires to your partner or showing them what you like. Don’t be afraid to guide a future partner in the right direction. If they’re turned off by you expressing your needs, then they’re probably not the right person for you.

“You can also start by having your partner do to you what you do when you masturbate,” says Frye, “Whether that’s toys or them stimulating you with their fingers or hand.”

Another idea is to masturbate in the same room as your partner, aka mutual masturbation. While mutual masturbation may seem sort of lame, I assure you that it is not. Whether you’re laying side by side or looking at each other from across the bed, playing with yourself in front of a partner can feel incredibly erotic. Your partner will start to learn what you like—and hopefully repeat.

When you’re actually in the act of sex, don’t be afraid to provide gentle instruction or feedback to your partner. Be empathetic of their feelings, as sex is an extremely vulnerable act and you don’t want to blame or criticize. Rather, let them know what feels good, or redirect them if something they’re doing isn’t working for you. Positive reinforcement can go a long way.

If you simply aren’t in the mood or are uninterested in having sex with another person right now, that’s also totally fine. It’s awesome that you’re enjoying your independence and alone time. Keep doing you, and the rest will fall into place.

Let me throw this idea in the mix. For you guys who aren’t  open about the fact you enjoy masturbating while watching your wife and are willing to do so to watch her fuck, maybe you need to push harder to get her into that mood to fuck frequently … start small with the small things. Enjoy masturbating often. It’s normal and good for you.

There will always be someone or some professional who has a different opinion. We have to ask ourselves why. Might it be that one is using this “masturbation is wrong” or “masturbation causes serious sexual problems and dysfunction” are saying so because they have their own idea of what normal should be when “normal” is really how we are made and have this “built in” method to deal with our desires.

The guy jacking off while watching his wife is normal, as is the wife who is jilling watching porn, watching sex or viewing porn. The Dark Lord wants us to be “normal” and happy. Ave Dominum Tenebris.