Writer: Evelyn Sterling
Subject: Pulling Away From God
Link: Tumblr / 22.07.2026
Pulling Away From God
Before anything else, remember this: everything written here comes from my own experiences, personal beliefs, and the studies I’ve done throughout my journey. It is not absolute truth, nor is it meant to tell you what you must believe. One of the greatest lessons I’ve found within Satanism is the importance of thinking for yourself. Question everything. Learn from multiple sources. Challenge your own beliefs, and come to your own conclusions rather than simply accepting someone else’s.
When I chose to walk away from God, I wasn’t just changing religions. It felt like I was leaving behind a part of my entire identity. It was painful, confusing, and, at times, terrifying. I wasn’t angry all the time, and I didn’t suddenly stop caring. There were nights where I questioned everything, where I wondered if I was making a mistake, where I cried because I didn’t know what was waiting for me on the other side.
I think many Satanists who were once Christians can relate to these feelings. One of the hardest parts for me was realizing that my beliefs were no longer the same as the people I loved most. It hurt knowing that the people closest to me believed I was walking toward something dangerous while I believed I was finally walking toward something that felt honest to me. That kind of emotional divide isn’t easy.
But this is your journey. It’s a journey of self-discovery, self-worth, and finding the path that genuinely feels like your own.
If you come from a deeply religious family, I understand how lonely this can feel. You don’t have to hate your family because your beliefs are different, and they shouldn’t hate you for yours. Sadly, many people who leave Christianity for Satanism experience shame, rejection, or judgment simply for believing differently. If your spiritual path is meaningful to you and isn’t harming anyone, it deserves the same respect as anyone else’s.
One thing that surprised me was how much I missed God at first — Yes, it’s normal.
You may still feel the urge to pray. You may find yourself wanting to call out to Him during difficult moments because that’s what you’ve done for years. That doesn’t automatically mean you’ve made the wrong choice. Habits, emotions, and deep spiritual attachments don’t disappear overnight.
For me, it sometimes felt like losing a parent. There was an emptiness that I couldn’t explain. There were moments where I felt abandoned, guilty, afraid, and even tempted to run back simply because the familiar felt safer than the unknown. Whether those feelings come from years of conditioning, genuine spiritual attachment, or something else is something each person has to decide for themselves.
There were times I felt hurt by God. Times I questioned why fear, guilt, and shame had become such a large part of my relationship with Him. I realized that I no longer wanted my spirituality to be built upon feeling constantly afraid of disappointing Him or believing I was never enough. That realization didn’t erase the pain, but it helped me understand why I needed to continue moving forward.
You may feel like you’re leaving behind everything you’ve ever known. You may feel like there’s no turning back. Those fears are real, and they can be overwhelming. But spirituality has never been an easy journey. It’s one of the most personal paths you’ll ever walk. There will be uncertainty, doubt, growth, and change.
Eventually, I found peace. Not because everything became perfect, but because I finally felt like I was living honestly with myself.
There is no perfect Satanist, just as there is no perfect human being. If you’re transitioning from Christianity to Satanism, try not to carry the shame or worthlessness you may have once felt. Allow yourself to heal. Allow yourself to question. Allow yourself to grow.
The love I associate with Lord Lucifer feels different from the love I once associated with God. It isn’t the same kind of comforting warmth I used to expect, but different doesn’t mean wrong. For me, it feels quieter. It feels like being encouraged to stand on my own feet instead of constantly feeling afraid that I’ll never be enough.
If this is truly the path you choose, give yourself patience. Trust your own journey, keep learning, and allow yourself to become the person you’re meant to be.-Evelyn Sterling
Nice description of your journey. Mine is that I don’t really hate God, but I have trouble believing that any deity would deny the right of people to choose their partner, and live a life of love regardless of their gender. I know as human father I can’t do that, so why would an all-powerful deith be so petty? Human are so much more than just our sexuality, our lust, and our “sinfulness”. We do so many different things in life that these actions in the overall equation don’t make sense to “condemn”. You may not appreciate them (like your daughter hating your because you make her do her school work), but you look past them, and see that she has a lot of other qualities that make you love her so much. My point is there is way to much emphasis on sex in religion and not near as much about treaing other people with respect. Just my thought. And yes I am happy I follow Satan since organized religion doesn’t like my ideas of sexuality, so I make my own path instead. Hail Satan. Hail Lust. Hail human nature.