The Dark Lord & Me by Shadowysweetpapers

The above photo appears innocent-one would assume they are a married couple, or a couple in love and not married. I use the photo because it symbolizes for me my relationship with the Dark Lord. One could compare it to Michaelangelo’s mural in the Sistine Chapel where God reaches out and gives life to Adam. That was how the event was “seen” by the artist and how he depicted it. This simple photo is how I see my relationship with the Dark Lord and me — And it is a photo which will pass muster with the Tumblr gods,  may their souls rot in a perdition beyond the worst they can comprehend.

“You have a great Account/Blog. I can’t really express myself in written words, but I would just like to say that once I started to worship Satan/The Dark Lord, I finally found peace in my life. I was finally able to be me. Be comfortable with my thoughts, desires, lusts, beliefs, kinks, perversions … without doubts or guilt I learned from xtian religion and beliefs.”

“Sex has become awesome, self pleasure amazing. So called taboos like incest, bestiality have also become “normal” for me. I also feel a real connection when I pray/worship. Something I never felt with God/xtianity. Thank you again for sharing all your thoughts and views.” 

While I admit the above quote allows me to blow my own horn (I apologize for that),  the words shared by a tumblr colleague demonstrate exactly how an authentic follower of the Dark Lord should feel about themselves having committed to him. I thank him for allowing me to share his comment. And it is this comment which I will use to lead you into Part Five of why I have chosen the Dark Lord.

Let me say, as i have many times, I call Satan the Dark Lord because I believe in an authentic, very real Dark Lord,  that Dark Lord that has existed since prehistory who was followed in many forms by many before us.  I do not denigrate the term “Satan”. I don’t use it because too many people claim to be satanists who don’t believe in him. I have little respect for those groups who say they are satanists and aren’t for obvious reasons.

I came to follow the Dark Lord and made my personal commitment to him in private, in my basement, in my home with no one else present. I did so because I did not know what might happen when I did. For you see, I have a healthy respect for supernatural things. If you don’t or ou laugh, that’s fine. People do that. As for me,  I did and I am glad I did. Why? Because the decision was important  to me and I didn’t need some public proclamation  to be made when I said “Yes” to him.

I did so because I had come to realize that no matter how often I sought forgiveness by praying to the Christian god, my “sins” kept piling up … often I realized I was sinning by praying … Because my prayers were often insincere.  Even the blessing at the table before a meal was a rote action. Was I really thankful? More than that,  when I prayed for someone else, did I really care? Or was it simply something expected. Don’t get me wrong. There were times when I prayed for someone or something or whatever with tears in my eyes at times.  I was sincere to the bone.

And I have prayed like Job who, when faced with any number of terrible occurrences, said, “Though He slay me yet will I trust Him.” The issue was there wasn’t enough time to pray and I worried all the time about those “jumble of sins” prayers where I just asked him to forgive whatever I had done wrong or has missed that day. And when it came to my desires, sexual arousal, etc. I just gave up. Remember I told you I would run almost every day. Well, suddenly men in the community were coming out  in their yards and letting me know I was that “fox” my daughter mentioned to her dad … and I enjoyed their attention, beginning by wearing gym shorts a size too small for me.

For you see,  I took Edmond’s advice.   I thought it over and realized that in order to achieve what I wanted in life I needed to focus on me … and I did. Having done so I started to do so when I viewed every area of my life. Doing so,  I began to notice doing so had a positive and “feeling of relief” impact on me.  Rather than try to work out the “right versus wrong” aspects or deal with the theological side of “sin”,  I began to accept who I was and the feelings I had by setting God aside and  doing what I wanted. Sounds easy, doesn’t it?  Well, it isn’t and for those who say it is, I challenge that. It isn’t. Because of one’s upbringing if nothing else.

There are those who say they can do that, just go off on their own without following Satan or a Dark Lord.   They can believe that and many do by joining these  non-satan believing satanist groups or declaring themselves their own god by claiming to be atheists. Sadly, my experience with many atheists coming to the end of their lives ends with a call to the xian God or to the god of their culture. More than that, I have listened to professed atheists calling on the xian God or God in general in moments of need or acknowledge in their heart of hearts they are believers.

So I give short shrift to these people who believe, in effect, they are their own god making their own rules.  Just because someone says they can live by their own morality and can be good people doesn’t wash because you never know who they really are because they have no spiritual anchor in their lives. They have no one beyond themselves to affirm their choice and find themselves often alone in the world and alone at the end. That is not, however, what I am trying to speak to here.  I am saying that i determined I am not my own god and that there is more to the universe than what we know and that, in the end, for me the empirical evidence is in favor of both the presence of an almighty and a Dark Lord. They have been with us since before recorded history.

Overall,  I discovered that the xian God and his “religion” constantly called me to account, condemning me for all manner of behaviors and demanding I submit to absolution and constant reformation which was impossible because of the very mind and thoughts and physical desires that i sense and experience in my mind if nothing else. On the other hand the Dark Lord affirmed and continues to affirm me.

He does so by accepting me as I am and allows me to use my mind and senses and abilities for me and my pleasure … my mental relaxation for lack of a better phrase. For you see, I discovered that the Dark Lord wants me to be happy … not a paragon of virtue because ideas of virtue vary from culture to culture,  generation to generation, idea to idea all midst we as humankind. The Dark Lord accepts me for who I am and allows me to engage my mind on any topic without guilt but he burdens me with only one limit and that is prudence.   And he is there with his Presence to affirm and encourage me.

The result is I am able to see the world through a sensual lens, to sexualize my world as I wish and to fulfill my fantasies without guilt in my mind and among like minded persons if I wish,  prudence always being a part of my decisions. I don’t choose my own taboos as do atheists. I don’t have any. My mind is free. I am not worried about not believing in nothing which atheists do. I am open to all things because I am able to and the guilt, the anxiety and the fear are not there as they once were.

Yes, there is the fear of “discovery” that one follows the Dark Lord. It isn’t something popular. However,  what I enjoy in my mind and the presence I call upon in my life is my own. In turn I view those around me differently and when it comes to the sensual and the sexual I feel no guilt about the fact that I  do. For example,   former President Jimmy Carter in a Playboy interview shared he couldn’t help but sin in his mind. What a terrible burden? And I and other Christian experience that every day. What a relief?

What does the Dark Lord require of me? Not what you see in the mythology of satanism and the writings of persons in the past expressing their own thoughts and fictions about a terrible anti-God, anti-good personage wrapped in ugliness. I simply believe and acknowledge that belief by seeking his presence daily for me in a quiet dark place with a candle where I can call his name, meditate and state my business if I have any, share my desires and masturbate and experience pleasure in his presence while letting my mind roam over the depravities I might want to embrace actually at some time in my life.

I begin to have and eventually embrace  the freedom I want to live the life and fulfill the desires and deal with the sensual in my life. Whether one wants to believe this or not, what I experience beyond the freedom is the confidence I have that i can embrace my life in a broader sense without having to condemn this or be afraid of that. The Dark Lord speaks to me and affirms me in so many different ways. I am not bound to the Dark Lord by any expectation of some sort of perfection that is impossible to attain.

I am a follower because i am able to address all of my sexual and sensual desires with condemnation or condition other than exercising the prudence I so often mention. Why prudence? Because being imprudent in dealing with my desires certainly does not lead to happiness. And there is the fact that the Dark Lord is interested in me and my personal mental and physical pleasure. Think on that for a moment. He shows me I can engage in sex for my pleasure and because I focus on me and my own pleasure I  discover I am giving pleasure to others.

The sexual and sensual are part of who we are and to deny such is both dishonest and unreasonable. We women understand that because we are always engaged in being pursued in one way or another for the most part. We are always conscious of the men around us and when we feel we aren’t we really know we are. The subject is sex is ever present.  How we deal with it is up to us and it can be a mental conflict that dominates our relationships. As a follower of the Dark Lord I don’t worry about it.

My decisions are my own and my wickedness and my thoughts are my own. My goal is to be happy and to achieve that happiness … Happiness is not battling with my sexual desires all the time because I am taught that sex outside of marriage for procreation is wrong, or any other such limiting construct envisaged by society or church. Happiness is not living within constant condemnation for the way my body responds to sexual stimuli. Happiness is not living seeking constant forgiveness and absolution for simply being me.

Christianity asks me to seek an impossible ideal within a spiritual construct that denies how I am created. The Dark Lord recognizes who I am and how I am created and supports me in my efforts to find, and when I do, live as my real me.

This may not answer questions others may have about my journey. It may not give you the formula you want.   I was fortunate to find support among wives who followed the Dark Lord and be accepted among them and into the larger fellowship of like minded believers. We do not share all about our worship, our initiations, our ceremonies such as they are because they are private to us.

They are not what one would expect. There is no blood and gore, etc — if one views my blog you can, I think,  get an idea about how we worship. Let me say that once one seriously enters into a relationship with the Dark Lord there will come a time when you will experience what I will call power beyond the sexual and the sensual. And you will view your world differently. I am aware these articles have fallen short of the expectations of many. However,  I hope it is helpful on your journey on the left hand path) — Ave Dominum Tenebris.