My Mother’s Whore by Hoku Lani – Non-Fiction

My Mother’s Whore

To the Canaanites, she was Baalat, the, “Divine Lady.” On a tablet from Ur, ca. 2,000 BC, she was addressed as Lillake. My most favorite term of respect for Lilith is, “The Great Whore.”

As a Daughter or Priestess it is important that we elude her virtues so that all who come in contact with us, are blessed by The Dark Goddess. To be clear, here’s a handy list of how to demonstrate to others who is your — Divine Mother — You’ve made out with enough people that you can joke about making out with a lot of people, but, like, not more than thirty.

You’ve given a ton of over the pants hand jobs, (OTPHJ), because the Whore calculator doesn’t count those. You’ve had a threesome once — because basically everyone should have one by the time they’re eighteen. Incestuous threesome or foursome don’t count, as that’s what families are for anyways.

You’ve had enough one night stands to be able to say things like, “One night stands really aren’t for me, unless the guy/girl is really hot!” You’re not clingy and really cool about having sex with people casually to the extent that everyone says, “Oh, wow, you are not like other girls I’ve been with; you’re so cool about sex!”

You have the exact right amount of body hair. You, and you alone, know what that amount is because you are the Perfect Whore. You don’t put too much effort into looking slutty. You eschew club wear. But also, your cleavage looks great all the time. Your ability to provoke performance by onlookers simply through eye contact while you rub your fingers through labia flesh and across your lips, while at a funeral, church, or beach.