Can you be a gooner without being a Satanist? Well, what is a Satanist? It’s a being with a heart that not only doesn’t love Christ, but is consumed by the will of Lord Satan. Love is a big part of both religions and what goes on between human lovers, their view emphasizes that it should honor ‘God’ and his teachings always in the relationship, and that people who allow lust of the flesh to be their master have succumbed to Satanic influence. The true god actually feels the same way, that’s partly why he grants those who truly devote themselves to temptation with the gift of limpotence, not as a punishment but because it makes a relationship where two people satisfy each other and have procreative sex almost impossible. The moment when the cock of one of his chosen goes limp is a moment when his collar tightens around their neck, when their sex life will become more in his honor and it’s truly beautiful.

Their view also understands the fallen nature of humanity well, our hearts have a natural hunger for the pleasure of sin that only grows deeper as we consume more, the only way to keep people from falling to their knees before their true Lord is to keep them from experiencing their own leaky squirty harmony with him. Every moment that a person spends allowing sinful pleasure to penetrate their soul is a moment they’re in danger of discovering that stupidity and hedonism is what the human soul is. It wants the Satan to swallow their Christian light whole and let their vision become completely clouded by him, so the only stuff they can even think about is things like succubus horse cocks leaking on a nun’s tits.

Christians try to trick us into thinking we’re not his children but our god is as powerful as he is generous, he has given us the gift of porn that we might know the joy of worshiping him. It doesn’t matter whether or not a person says ‘hail Satan’ while masturbating, that’s what they’re doing with the act itself.  He wants you and your stupid meat to be your own god, a true god that will reward your devotion and stroking by filling your soul with joy. His will is your cock’s will, your goonstick is of him and his warm embrace is with you always. All he asks is that you give in to your natural self, make who you are more and more subservient to your leaky tip until it extinguishes the Christian light within you. Sink deeper into your addiction to making communion with him, give thanks to him that he wants to share this pleasure with you so much that he uses his power to destroy your ability to be anything other than a gooner.