Feature writer: Radegast
Feature title: The Witches’ Sabbath
Authors notes: I could have written this with a more serious tone, but where’s the fun in that? This took me about five hours, with breaks for coffee and a bit of pornography. Nothing about this story is meant to be taken seriously, least of all the theology.
The Witches’ Sabbath
What follows is the first part of an account given by a late sixteenth-century cloth merchant who claimed to have witnessed a witches’ sabbath in southern Germany:
While passing the night at a boarding house I was forced to take my evening meal in the tavern, where there worked a trio of most comely young serving wenches: one was blonde, one a brunette, and one a redhead. They were most immodestly dressed and lascivious in manner, and I took them at first for no more than common prostitutes. But then as I went to relieve myself behind the tavern, I saw them conversing with a beautiful young nun, with whom they exchanged certain cryptic hand signals and spoke several phrases in Latin, which seemed most strange.
I was restless that evening, and sat up in my room looking out at the town and the dark forest beyond from my window, when I saw the three wenches venturing forth from the tavern into the darkness. Seizing my cloak, I stealthily made my way downstairs and made to follow them. They took with them a candle lantern, and I followed their light as they took a narrow cattle path into the forest and up the hillside.
At length they came to a clearing, where they extinguished their lantern, and in the light of the moon I watched them cast aside their clothing until they stood naked and shameless as Eve in the Garden. I followed their pale, shapely forms as they climbed yet a little higher, and reached at length another clearing before a low cliff, where there awaited them the nun I had seen earlier, alongside a crackling fire.
The nun greeted the wenches in a strange tongue, and she stripped herself as well, shamelessly revealing her gorgeous, consecrated body, and her hair, which was black as the night around her. She produced a flask from among her things, from which she poured a greasy unguent, with which the nun and the wenches proceeded to smear one another’s luscious young bodies, their hands roving freely over one another’s juicy breasts and creamy thighs, until their lovely forms shone and glistened in the firelight.
The nun then pulled out a shallow metal dish, which she placed on the ground before them, and produced a large golden phallus, studded with polished gems, which she handed to one of the wenches. One by one the wenches pleasured themselves with it, their lustful juices pouring forth from their eager young pussies and dripping into the dish. When all had been commingled, the corrupt nun sported with the well-moistened phallus as well, until her own nectars of delight poured forth into the dish. That done, she licked the phallus clean with obvious relish, and then secreted it among her belongings.
Drawing forth a dagger, she killed first a bat, then a toad, casting each hissing into the fire, followed by handfuls of various herbs, which created clouds of peculiar smoke, intoning all the while in a bizarre tongue as the wenches, naked and oiled, danced about her in a most salacious manner. Then, kneeling before the fire, the gorgeous nun took up the dish of their commingled juices, intoned a solemn and ominous utterance in her tongue, and cast the fluids into the flames. There was a great hiss, and plumes of steam and odd-colored smoke erupted from the fire, filling the whole clearing and obscuring it from view.
When at last the smoke cleared, it took all my might and faith in God to keep from crying out in terror. There before the fire knelt the four women, in a posture of servile obeisance, and behind the fire there sat a large table set for four, sumptuously bedecked with fine tableware and goblets of precious metals. But it was not the apparition of this dinner setting, startling as it was, that so affrighted me, but rather that which lay beyond it. For behind the table, in the shadows at the foot of the cliff, stood four mighty thrones of iron, in each of which sat a demon fresh from the pit of damnation, their fearsome mighty forms yet smoking with wisps of hellfire.
Their red bodies had each the feet of a lizard, the legs, trunk and arms of a man, four clawed fingers on each hand, and a long, smooth tail. Their heads were various and horrible, like and yet not like the beasts of the earth: one like a goat, another like a dog, another like a boar, the fourth like a lion. Each bore two sets of horns, variously like those of bulls, rams, or goats. They left no doubt as to their sex, for they lounged in the thrones with their legs spread wide, giving clear view of their demonic members, which stood tumescent and immense against their stomachs, their massive testicles hanging beneath.
The dog-faced one spoke then, in good if strangely accented German, and its fiendish voice chilled me to the root.
“The Prince of Darkness has heard thy call, and sent us, four lords of hell, to keep thee company this night. Rise, my lovelies, and feast upon the bounty Our Dark Master has provided.”
The four young witches, for that they surely were, then climbed to their feet and took their places on the benches alongside the table. Once they were seated, there emerged from the darkness a swarm of imps, little demons the size of dwarves but proportioned like men, with little horns, short furred tails, and oversized members that swung about obscenely as they scurried back and forth, bearing platters of delectable foods that rivaled the finest fare served at the tables of Cardinals or Dukes.
The witches, still shamelessly nude, proceeded to eat, chattering among themselves on subjects of the greatest obscenity and blasphemy, which drew on occasion a mirthful chuckle from the dread demons, which otherwise sat quietly, eyeing the young witches and stroking now and then their massive demonic members.
When at length the witches grew thirsty, and called for wine, the goat-faced demon smirked, and called out a command in a horrifying tongue that I could only surmise was the language of hell. At once four imps leapt onto the table, leaned over the witches’ goblets, and each seized his member, from which he soon coaxed forth prodigious spurts of impish seed, depositing his infernal load into the drinking vessel before him. The witches giggled with surprise and delight, and proceeded to slake their thirst with the imps’ semen, which they found most sweet and refreshing. Thenceforth in their banquet, the witches often called for refills, and found always a willing imp eager to donate his seed for these shameless, semen-guzzling witches, sometimes spraying it right into their open mouths.
As the witches grew satiated, and the imps cleared away the dishes, leaving only the goblets, the demons called on each witch to climb upon the table and dance for them, which the witches did eagerly, gyrating their bodies most lasciviously, presenting to the demons their most delectable parts: their ripe breasts, their luscious asses, their beautiful lusty faces, their wet tongues, and their plump, dripping slits.
The nun danced last, presenting her magnificent body as eagerly as a tavern whore, and when her dance was completed she fell to her knees on the table and seized her full breasts, which she held forth to the demons like an unholy offering.
“Dread lords of hell,” she implored, her voice thick with lust, “we thank thee for this delectable fare.
Now, if it please you, we offer our adoration in return. Let us worship your infernal cocks, and feast upon your unholy seed, and utterly corrupt our bodies for the glory of our master and yours, the lord of this world and all others, almighty Satan.” As the nun spoke, the other witches climbed off the benches and knelt on the ground in their own poses of supplication, their bodies quivering with anticipation as they cried out in agreement.
The boar-demon replied: “Your eloquence pleases us, young witches, as does the scent of your fresh wet cunts. We shall receive your worship with pleasure.”
The demons climbed to their feet and, in unison, called out some kind of wild battle-cry in their infernal tongue. Then they fell upon the witches with a terrifying swiftness.
There followed then a series of such vile debaucheries that my mind reels even now in laboring to recall them. So diverse and relentless were these perversities that all sequence has vanished from my recollection, and what remain are only impressions, moments, brief combinations of acts, forever seared into my humble mind, and which even to this day persist in haunting my dreams. But if you insist, I can recount them. But, I beg you, give me but a moment to steel myself for the reminiscence of such shameless lusts, and then I shall proceed.